*
Don Miguel Ruiz's - The Four Agreements
Don Miguel Ruiz's book, The Four Agreements was published in 1997. For many, The Four Agreements is a life-changing book, whose ideas come from the ancient Toltec wisdom of the native people of Southern Mexico. The Toltec were 'people of knowledge' - scientists and artists who created a society to explore and conserve the traditional spiritual knowledge and practices of their ancestors. The Toltec viewed science and spirit as part of the same entity, believing that all energy - material or ethereal - is derived from and governed by the universe.
Don Miguel Ruiz, born and raised in rural Mexico, was brought up to follow his family's Toltec ways by his mother, a Toltec faith healer, and grandfather, a Toltec 'nagual', a shaman. Despite this, Don Miguel decided to pursue a conventional education, which led him to qualify and practice for several years as a surgeon. Following a car crash, Don Miguel Ruiz reverted to his Toltec roots during the late 1970's, first studying and learning in depth the Toltec ways, and then healing, teaching, lecturing and writing during the 1980's and 90's, when he wrote The Four Agreements (published in 1997), The Mastery of Love (1999), The Four Agreements Companion Book (2000), and Prayers (2001).
Don Miguel Ruiz survived a serious heart attack 2002, since when his teachings have been largely channelled through seminars and classes run by his followers, notably his sons Don Jose Luis and Don Miguel Ruiz Junior. Like many gurus and philosophical pioneers, Ruiz has to an extent packaged, promoted and commercialised his work, nevertheless the simplicity and elegance of his thinking remains a source of great enlightenment and aspiration.
The simple ideas of The Four Agreements provide an inspirational code for life; a personal development model, and a template for personal development, behaviour, communications and relationships. Here is how Don Miguel Ruiz summarises 'The Four Agreements':
the four agreements - don miguel ruiz's code for life
agreement 1
Be impeccable with your word - Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
agreement 2
Don’t take anything personally - Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
agreement 3
Don’t make assumptions - Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
agreement 4
Always do your best - Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.
the four agreements - don miguel ruiz
A life-changing book. Don Miguel Ruiz's simple guidance for life. This book - the original in the series - is widely available. Everyone should read it
2007年10月30日 星期二
the seven habits of highly effective people®
*
Dr Stephen Covey's inspirational book - 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People®
Dr Stephen Covey is a hugely influential management guru, whose book The Seven Habits Of Highly Effective People, became a blueprint for personal development when it was published in 1990. The Seven Habits are said by some to be easy to understand but not as easy to apply. Don't let the challenge daunt you: The 'Seven Habits' are a remarkable set of inspirational and aspirational standards for anyone who seeks to live a full, purposeful and good life, and are applicable today more than ever, as the business world becomes more attuned to humanist concepts. Covey's values are full of integrity and humanity, and contrast strongly with the process-based ideologies that characterised management thinking in earlier times.
Stephen Covey, as well as being a renowned writer, speaker, academic and humanist, has also built a huge training and consultancy products and services business - Franklin Covey which has a global reach, and has at one time or another consulted with and provided training services to most of the world's leading corporations.
stephen covey's seven habits of highly effective people®
habit 1 - be proactive®
This is the ability to control one's environment, rather than have it control you, as is so often the case. Self determination, choice, and the power to decide response to stimulus, conditions and circumstances
habit 2 - begin with the end in mind®
Covey calls this the habit of personal leadership - leading oneself that is, towards what you consider your aims. By developing the habit of concentrating on relevant activities you will build a platform to avoid distractions and become more productive and successful.
habit 3 - put first things first®
Covey calls this the habit of personal management. This is about organising and implementing activities in line with the aims established in habit 2. Covey says that habit 2 is the first, or mental creation; habit 3 is the second, or physical creation. (See the section on time management.)
habit 4 - think win-win®
Covey calls this the habit of interpersonal leadership, necessary because achievements are largely dependent on co-operative efforts with others. He says that win-win is based on the assumption that there is plenty for everyone, and that success follows a co-operative approach more naturally than the confrontation of win-or-lose.
habit 5 - seek first to understand and then to be understood®
One of the great maxims of the modern age. This is Covey's habit of communication, and it's extremely powerful. Covey helps to explain this in his simple analogy 'diagnose before you prescribe'. Simple and effective, and essential for developing and maintaining positive relationships in all aspects of life. (See the associated sections on Empathy, Transactional Analysis, and the Johari Window.)
habit 6 - synergize®
Covey says this is the habit of creative co-operation - the principle that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts, which implicitly lays down the challenge to see the good and potential in the other person's contribution.
habit 7 - sharpen the saw®
This is the habit of self renewal, says Covey, and it necessarily surrounds all the other habits, enabling and encouraging them to happen and grow. Covey interprets the self into four parts: the spiritual, mental, physical and the social/emotional, which all need feeding and developing.
Stephen Covey's Seven Habits are a simple set of rules for life - inter-related and synergistic, and yet each one powerful and worthy of adopting and following in its own right. For many people, reading Covey's work, or listening to him speak, literally changes their lives. This is powerful stuff indeed and highly recommended.
This 7 Habits summary is just a brief overview - the full work is fascinating, comprehensive, and thoroughly uplifting. Read the book, or listen to the full tape series if you can get hold of it.
In his more recent book 'The 8th Habit', Stephen Covey introduced (logically) an the eighth habit, which deals with personal fulfilment and helping others to achieve fulfilment too. The book also focuses on leadership. Time will tell whether the The 8th Habit achieves recognition and reputation close to Covey's classic original 7 Habits work.
Dr Stephen Covey's inspirational book - 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People®
Dr Stephen Covey is a hugely influential management guru, whose book The Seven Habits Of Highly Effective People, became a blueprint for personal development when it was published in 1990. The Seven Habits are said by some to be easy to understand but not as easy to apply. Don't let the challenge daunt you: The 'Seven Habits' are a remarkable set of inspirational and aspirational standards for anyone who seeks to live a full, purposeful and good life, and are applicable today more than ever, as the business world becomes more attuned to humanist concepts. Covey's values are full of integrity and humanity, and contrast strongly with the process-based ideologies that characterised management thinking in earlier times.
Stephen Covey, as well as being a renowned writer, speaker, academic and humanist, has also built a huge training and consultancy products and services business - Franklin Covey which has a global reach, and has at one time or another consulted with and provided training services to most of the world's leading corporations.
stephen covey's seven habits of highly effective people®
habit 1 - be proactive®
This is the ability to control one's environment, rather than have it control you, as is so often the case. Self determination, choice, and the power to decide response to stimulus, conditions and circumstances
habit 2 - begin with the end in mind®
Covey calls this the habit of personal leadership - leading oneself that is, towards what you consider your aims. By developing the habit of concentrating on relevant activities you will build a platform to avoid distractions and become more productive and successful.
habit 3 - put first things first®
Covey calls this the habit of personal management. This is about organising and implementing activities in line with the aims established in habit 2. Covey says that habit 2 is the first, or mental creation; habit 3 is the second, or physical creation. (See the section on time management.)
habit 4 - think win-win®
Covey calls this the habit of interpersonal leadership, necessary because achievements are largely dependent on co-operative efforts with others. He says that win-win is based on the assumption that there is plenty for everyone, and that success follows a co-operative approach more naturally than the confrontation of win-or-lose.
habit 5 - seek first to understand and then to be understood®
One of the great maxims of the modern age. This is Covey's habit of communication, and it's extremely powerful. Covey helps to explain this in his simple analogy 'diagnose before you prescribe'. Simple and effective, and essential for developing and maintaining positive relationships in all aspects of life. (See the associated sections on Empathy, Transactional Analysis, and the Johari Window.)
habit 6 - synergize®
Covey says this is the habit of creative co-operation - the principle that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts, which implicitly lays down the challenge to see the good and potential in the other person's contribution.
habit 7 - sharpen the saw®
This is the habit of self renewal, says Covey, and it necessarily surrounds all the other habits, enabling and encouraging them to happen and grow. Covey interprets the self into four parts: the spiritual, mental, physical and the social/emotional, which all need feeding and developing.
Stephen Covey's Seven Habits are a simple set of rules for life - inter-related and synergistic, and yet each one powerful and worthy of adopting and following in its own right. For many people, reading Covey's work, or listening to him speak, literally changes their lives. This is powerful stuff indeed and highly recommended.
This 7 Habits summary is just a brief overview - the full work is fascinating, comprehensive, and thoroughly uplifting. Read the book, or listen to the full tape series if you can get hold of it.
In his more recent book 'The 8th Habit', Stephen Covey introduced (logically) an the eighth habit, which deals with personal fulfilment and helping others to achieve fulfilment too. The book also focuses on leadership. Time will tell whether the The 8th Habit achieves recognition and reputation close to Covey's classic original 7 Habits work.
cherie carter-scott's rules of life
*
(Carter Scott references this quotation:) "Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood." (Helen Keller)
Rule One - You will receive a body. Whether you love it or hate it, it's yours for life, so accept it. What counts is what's inside.
Rule Two - You will be presented with lessons. Life is a constant learning experience, which every day provides opportunities for you to learn more. These lessons specific to you, and learning them 'is the key to discovering and fulfilling the meaning and relevance of your own life'.
Rule Three - There are no mistakes, only lessons. Your development towards wisdom is a process of experimentation, trial and error, so it's inevitable things will not always go to plan or turn out how you'd want. Compassion is the remedy for harsh judgement - of ourselves and others. Forgiveness is not only divine - it's also 'the act of erasing an emotional debt'. Behaving ethically, with integrity, and with humour - especially the ability to laugh at yourself and your own mishaps - are central to the perspective that 'mistakes' are simply lessons we must learn.
Rule Four - The lesson is repeated until learned. Lessons repeat until learned. What manifest as problems and challenges, irritations and frustrations are more lessons - they will repeat until you see them as such and learn from them. Your own awareness and your ability to change are requisites of executing this rule. Also fundamental is the acceptance that you are not a victim of fate or circumstance - 'causality' must be acknowledged; that is to say: things happen to you because of how you are and what you do. To blame anyone or anything else for your misfortunes is an escape and a denial; you yourself are responsible for you, and what happens to you. Patience is required - change doesn't happen overnight, so give change time to happen.
Rule Five - Learning does not end. While you are alive there are always lessons to be learned. Surrender to the 'rhythm of life', don't struggle against it. Commit to the process of constant learning and change - be humble enough to always acknowledge your own weaknesses, and be flexible enough to adapt from what you may be accustomed to, because rigidity will deny you the freedom of new possibilities.
Rule Six - "There" is no better than "here". The other side of the hill may be greener than your own, but being there is not the key to endless happiness. Be grateful for and enjoy what you have, and where you are on your journey. Appreciate the abundance of what's good in your life, rather than measure and amass things that do not actually lead to happiness. Living in the present helps you attain peace.
Rule Seven - Others are only mirrors of you. You love or hate something about another person according to what love or hate about yourself. Be tolerant; accept others as they are, and strive for clarity of self-awareness; strive to truly understand and have an objective perception of your own self, your thoughts and feelings. Negative experiences are opportunities to heal the wounds that you carry. Support others, and by doing so you support yourself. Where you are unable to support others it is a sign that you are not adequately attending to your own needs.
Rule Eight - What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. Take responsibility for yourself. Learn to let go when you cannot change things. Don't get angry about things - bitter memories clutter your mind. Courage resides in all of us - use it when you need to do what's right for you. We all possess a strong natural power and adventurous spirit, which you should draw on to embrace what lies ahead.
Rule Nine - Your answers lie inside of you. Trust your instincts and your innermost feelings, whether you hear them as a little voice or a flash of inspiration. Listen to feelings as well as sounds. Look, listen, and trust. Draw on your natural inspiration.
Rule Ten - You will forget all this at birth. We are all born with all of these capabilities - our early experiences lead us into a physical world, away from our spiritual selves, so that we become doubtful, cynical and lacking belief and confidence. The ten Rules are not commandments, they are universal truths that apply to us all. When you lose your way, call upon them. Have faith in the strength of your spirit. Aspire to be wise - wisdom the ultimate path of your life, and it knows no limits other than those you impose on yourself.
This summary is merely a brief outline and simply does not do the book justice, nor the wisdom within it. If you are interested in making the most of your life, and helping others do the same, buy Cherie Carter-Scott's book 'If Life Is A Game, These Are The Rules'.
(Carter Scott references this quotation:) "Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood." (Helen Keller)
Rule One - You will receive a body. Whether you love it or hate it, it's yours for life, so accept it. What counts is what's inside.
Rule Two - You will be presented with lessons. Life is a constant learning experience, which every day provides opportunities for you to learn more. These lessons specific to you, and learning them 'is the key to discovering and fulfilling the meaning and relevance of your own life'.
Rule Three - There are no mistakes, only lessons. Your development towards wisdom is a process of experimentation, trial and error, so it's inevitable things will not always go to plan or turn out how you'd want. Compassion is the remedy for harsh judgement - of ourselves and others. Forgiveness is not only divine - it's also 'the act of erasing an emotional debt'. Behaving ethically, with integrity, and with humour - especially the ability to laugh at yourself and your own mishaps - are central to the perspective that 'mistakes' are simply lessons we must learn.
Rule Four - The lesson is repeated until learned. Lessons repeat until learned. What manifest as problems and challenges, irritations and frustrations are more lessons - they will repeat until you see them as such and learn from them. Your own awareness and your ability to change are requisites of executing this rule. Also fundamental is the acceptance that you are not a victim of fate or circumstance - 'causality' must be acknowledged; that is to say: things happen to you because of how you are and what you do. To blame anyone or anything else for your misfortunes is an escape and a denial; you yourself are responsible for you, and what happens to you. Patience is required - change doesn't happen overnight, so give change time to happen.
Rule Five - Learning does not end. While you are alive there are always lessons to be learned. Surrender to the 'rhythm of life', don't struggle against it. Commit to the process of constant learning and change - be humble enough to always acknowledge your own weaknesses, and be flexible enough to adapt from what you may be accustomed to, because rigidity will deny you the freedom of new possibilities.
Rule Six - "There" is no better than "here". The other side of the hill may be greener than your own, but being there is not the key to endless happiness. Be grateful for and enjoy what you have, and where you are on your journey. Appreciate the abundance of what's good in your life, rather than measure and amass things that do not actually lead to happiness. Living in the present helps you attain peace.
Rule Seven - Others are only mirrors of you. You love or hate something about another person according to what love or hate about yourself. Be tolerant; accept others as they are, and strive for clarity of self-awareness; strive to truly understand and have an objective perception of your own self, your thoughts and feelings. Negative experiences are opportunities to heal the wounds that you carry. Support others, and by doing so you support yourself. Where you are unable to support others it is a sign that you are not adequately attending to your own needs.
Rule Eight - What you make of your life is up to you. You have all the tools and resources you need. What you do with them is up to you. Take responsibility for yourself. Learn to let go when you cannot change things. Don't get angry about things - bitter memories clutter your mind. Courage resides in all of us - use it when you need to do what's right for you. We all possess a strong natural power and adventurous spirit, which you should draw on to embrace what lies ahead.
Rule Nine - Your answers lie inside of you. Trust your instincts and your innermost feelings, whether you hear them as a little voice or a flash of inspiration. Listen to feelings as well as sounds. Look, listen, and trust. Draw on your natural inspiration.
Rule Ten - You will forget all this at birth. We are all born with all of these capabilities - our early experiences lead us into a physical world, away from our spiritual selves, so that we become doubtful, cynical and lacking belief and confidence. The ten Rules are not commandments, they are universal truths that apply to us all. When you lose your way, call upon them. Have faith in the strength of your spirit. Aspire to be wise - wisdom the ultimate path of your life, and it knows no limits other than those you impose on yourself.
This summary is merely a brief outline and simply does not do the book justice, nor the wisdom within it. If you are interested in making the most of your life, and helping others do the same, buy Cherie Carter-Scott's book 'If Life Is A Game, These Are The Rules'.
2007年10月29日 星期一
一封給九歲男孩的信
*
給道奇──伊莉莎白
這篇文章是從書上節選下來的…
原本書名是：The Tunnel And The Light
中文叫：你可以更靠近我(教孩子怎麼看待生命與死亡)
作者：伊莉莎白‧庫伯勒‧羅斯
出版：張老師文化
內容是一位精神科醫師輔導臨終的孩子面對死亡的經過....很豐富的一本書,
給道奇──伊莉莎白
這篇文章是從書上節選下來的…
原本書名是：The Tunnel And The Light
中文叫：你可以更靠近我(教孩子怎麼看待生命與死亡)
作者：伊莉莎白‧庫伯勒‧羅斯
出版：張老師文化
內容是一位精神科醫師輔導臨終的孩子面對死亡的經過....很豐富的一本書,
有興趣的人…可以到書店找找…
○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○
─ 又叫做『給道奇的信』─
我在1978年寫下這封信,回答一個得了癌症的九歲小男孩,他寫信給我,問了一個非常感人的問題:
『什麼是生命?......什麼是死亡?......為什麼小孩子必須要死?』
我向我的女兒借了彩色筆,用簡單的語言為他寫了一封信,畫上插圖,然後寄給他.他的回信並不是那麼正面,但不用說,他是個非常自豪的年輕人,因為它有一本伊莉莎白替他畫的書.
他不只將這本書與他的父母分享,還將它與其他臨終孩童的父母分享.
---伊莉莎白‧庫伯斯‧羅斯---
○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○
給道奇:
這個故事說的是
生命
還有風暴，說的是
我們在春天種下的
種子，還有在夏天
綻放的花朵，
還有秋天的收穫。
死亡
它在生命還小的時候出現
但它卻很晚才去拜訪某些人
這一切是怎麼一回事?
想像一下
在生命一開始，上帝
他創造一切事物──像那發亮的太陽
照在地球上，溫暖著我們，
他讓花而長大，他的陽光
總是照耀著地球──
那怕是有厚厚的雲讓我們
沒有辦法看見他。
上帝一直看著我們，他的愛
一直照耀著我們，不管我們有多大
或是有多小，而且沒有東西
可以阻擋他的愛。
人們一出生，他們就像
一顆小種子開始發芽，像是
被吹到草地上的蒲公英種子那樣──
有些掉到臭水溝，有些掉到
好美的一片草地，在一棟豪華的宅第前，
有些種子會掉進花圃裡......
我們也是一樣，在生命開始的時候
我們或者在有錢人家，或者在貧窮人家
或者在孤兒院，或者我們好餓好餓，
或者我們一出生就快要死掉;
或許愛我們的是很想要我們的親生父母，
也或許他們是選擇領養我們的養父母。
有人或許會說這是種
生命的賭博。
但是你要記住
上帝也負責風暴的來臨，而他
關心蒲公英種子就像他關心
所有活著的生命──
特別是孩子們──而且
生命中沒有巧合存在。
他沒有分別心，他的愛
不需要任何條件，他了解
他不會妄下判斷──他就是愛。
你和上帝從無數的選擇中
挑選出你的父母!你追趕他們
好讓你可以幫助他們成長
與學習，而他們也可以
當你的老師。
生命就像一間學校，在這裡
我們有一個機會
去學習很多事情──像是
與別人好好相處
或是了解我們自己的感覺
學習對自己還有別人
都要誠實，學會給予愛
也學會接受愛──當我們
通過了所有的考試──
(像在學校一樣)──我們
就可以畢業──也就是說
我們都可以回去我們
真正的家──回到上帝身邊
因為我們都是從他而來
在他那裡我們會遇見
所有我們曾愛過的人──就好像
畢業典禮之後一家團聚
......那個時候我們就會死去
脫下我們的肉體，在我們
做完所有工作之後，
我們就繼續向前走。
冬天的時候
在樹上
一點生命
都看不到......
但是在春天
來臨之後，小小的
綠葉就會出現
一片
接著另一片......
等到夏日到了末尾
這棵樹長滿了果實
也實現了
他的承諾、
他的任務還有
他的目標。
秋天，樹葉都會
掉光光，一片接一片
而這棵樹在整個冬天
就進入長長的睡眠。
有些花只開幾天──
所有人都欣賞
並愛著他們，因為
他們象徵著春天
與希望。
然後他們就謝了──可是他們已經
完成了他們需要做的!
有些花開了很久
很久──人們都認為
這樣是應該的，甚至再也不會去
注意到這些花──這也是
他們對待老人的方式──
他們看著老人們坐在公園裡
直到有天他們永遠消失。
生命中每件事情都是循環；
夜晚之後是白天，冬天之後
就是春天。
當一艘船消失在
地平線的彼端，
他不是消失了，而只是
在我們視線之外......
上帝看著每一個
他所創造出來的東西──
地球、太陽、樹木、花朵
還有人類──他們
得經歷過生命的學校
然後才能畢業。
當我們完成了所有
我們來到世界上所要做的事
──我們就可以脫掉肉體──
因為它困住我們的靈魂
就像蟲繭包住未來的蝴蝶──
.......當正確的時刻來臨
我們就可以放開它，那我們
就不會再有痛苦，不會再有
任何恐懼還有憂慮──
像一隻美麗的蝴蝶那樣自由，
回到上帝的身邊，在那裡
我們將不再孤獨，還會繼續
成長，繼續唱歌舞蹈，
陪著所有我們愛過的人 (他們
比我們先破繭而出)，
在上帝的身邊我們感受到
更多的愛，多到難以想像的愛。
○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○
─ 又叫做『給道奇的信』─
我在1978年寫下這封信,回答一個得了癌症的九歲小男孩,他寫信給我,問了一個非常感人的問題:
『什麼是生命?......什麼是死亡?......為什麼小孩子必須要死?』
我向我的女兒借了彩色筆,用簡單的語言為他寫了一封信,畫上插圖,然後寄給他.他的回信並不是那麼正面,但不用說,他是個非常自豪的年輕人,因為它有一本伊莉莎白替他畫的書.
他不只將這本書與他的父母分享,還將它與其他臨終孩童的父母分享.
---伊莉莎白‧庫伯斯‧羅斯---
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給道奇:
這個故事說的是
生命
還有風暴，說的是
我們在春天種下的
種子，還有在夏天
綻放的花朵，
還有秋天的收穫。
死亡
它在生命還小的時候出現
但它卻很晚才去拜訪某些人
這一切是怎麼一回事?
想像一下
在生命一開始，上帝
他創造一切事物──像那發亮的太陽
照在地球上，溫暖著我們，
他讓花而長大，他的陽光
總是照耀著地球──
那怕是有厚厚的雲讓我們
沒有辦法看見他。
上帝一直看著我們，他的愛
一直照耀著我們，不管我們有多大
或是有多小，而且沒有東西
可以阻擋他的愛。
人們一出生，他們就像
一顆小種子開始發芽，像是
被吹到草地上的蒲公英種子那樣──
有些掉到臭水溝，有些掉到
好美的一片草地，在一棟豪華的宅第前，
有些種子會掉進花圃裡......
我們也是一樣，在生命開始的時候
我們或者在有錢人家，或者在貧窮人家
或者在孤兒院，或者我們好餓好餓，
或者我們一出生就快要死掉;
或許愛我們的是很想要我們的親生父母，
也或許他們是選擇領養我們的養父母。
有人或許會說這是種
生命的賭博。
但是你要記住
上帝也負責風暴的來臨，而他
關心蒲公英種子就像他關心
所有活著的生命──
特別是孩子們──而且
生命中沒有巧合存在。
他沒有分別心，他的愛
不需要任何條件，他了解
他不會妄下判斷──他就是愛。
你和上帝從無數的選擇中
挑選出你的父母!你追趕他們
好讓你可以幫助他們成長
與學習，而他們也可以
當你的老師。
生命就像一間學校，在這裡
我們有一個機會
去學習很多事情──像是
與別人好好相處
或是了解我們自己的感覺
學習對自己還有別人
都要誠實，學會給予愛
也學會接受愛──當我們
通過了所有的考試──
(像在學校一樣)──我們
就可以畢業──也就是說
我們都可以回去我們
真正的家──回到上帝身邊
因為我們都是從他而來
在他那裡我們會遇見
所有我們曾愛過的人──就好像
畢業典禮之後一家團聚
......那個時候我們就會死去
脫下我們的肉體，在我們
做完所有工作之後，
我們就繼續向前走。
冬天的時候
在樹上
一點生命
都看不到......
但是在春天
來臨之後，小小的
綠葉就會出現
一片
接著另一片......
等到夏日到了末尾
這棵樹長滿了果實
也實現了
他的承諾、
他的任務還有
他的目標。
秋天，樹葉都會
掉光光，一片接一片
而這棵樹在整個冬天
就進入長長的睡眠。
有些花只開幾天──
所有人都欣賞
並愛著他們，因為
他們象徵著春天
與希望。
然後他們就謝了──可是他們已經
完成了他們需要做的!
有些花開了很久
很久──人們都認為
這樣是應該的，甚至再也不會去
注意到這些花──這也是
他們對待老人的方式──
他們看著老人們坐在公園裡
直到有天他們永遠消失。
生命中每件事情都是循環；
夜晚之後是白天，冬天之後
就是春天。
當一艘船消失在
地平線的彼端，
他不是消失了，而只是
在我們視線之外......
上帝看著每一個
他所創造出來的東西──
地球、太陽、樹木、花朵
還有人類──他們
得經歷過生命的學校
然後才能畢業。
當我們完成了所有
我們來到世界上所要做的事
──我們就可以脫掉肉體──
因為它困住我們的靈魂
就像蟲繭包住未來的蝴蝶──
.......當正確的時刻來臨
我們就可以放開它，那我們
就不會再有痛苦，不會再有
任何恐懼還有憂慮──
像一隻美麗的蝴蝶那樣自由，
回到上帝的身邊，在那裡
我們將不再孤獨，還會繼續
成長，繼續唱歌舞蹈，
陪著所有我們愛過的人 (他們
比我們先破繭而出)，
在上帝的身邊我們感受到
更多的愛，多到難以想像的愛。
伊莉莎白寄
**************************************************
Talking with Your Child about Cancer
Talking with Your Child about Cancer
Learning that your child has cancer is perhaps the hardest news you ever have had to face. As a parent, you must now decide how to tell your child.
The questions that many parents ask are: "What should my child be told?" "Who should tell my child?" and "When should my child be told?" This article was written to help you answer these questions.
You probably already are asking, "Should I tell my child about the cancer at all?" In the past, children were often shielded from the diagnosis. But, studies show that most children know they have a serious illness despite attempts of parents and health care workers to protect them.
Most likely, your child already suspects that something is wrong. He or she may not feel well, is seeing the doctor more often, and has had some uncomfortable and frightening tests. Your child also may sense the anxiety and fears of family members and close friends.
Children who are not told about their illness often depend on their imagination and fears to explain their symptoms. Many children with cancer believe their illness is punishment for something they have done; as a result, they may feel unnecessary anxiety and guilt. Health professionals generally agree that telling children the truth about their illness decreases stress and guilt. Knowing the truth also increases a child's cooperation with treatment. In addition, talking about cancer often helps bring the family closer together and makes dealing with illness a little easier for everyone.
Who should tell my child?
The answer to this question is personal. It depends on the relationship you have with your child and on your own feelings and attitudes. You may want to tell your child yourself, or you may want your child's doctor to help explain the illness. Either way, you or someone close to your child should offer support, encouragement, and love.
If you choose to tell your child yourself, talking to others might help you decide what to say. Health professionals such as your child's doctor, nurse, or social worker can offer ideas. Talk with parents of other children with cancer. Thinking about what you want to say, talking it over with other concerned adults, and rehearsing it with someone close to you will help you feel more at ease.
When should my child be told?
Because you are the best judge of your child's personality and moods, you are probably the best person to decide when your child should be told about the illness. There is no "right" moment to tell a child he or she has cancer. Try to choose a quiet time and place where you and your child can be alone. This will create a calm and supportive atmosphere. It is probably best to talk with your child soon after diagnosis. Waiting days or weeks gives children more time to use their imagination and develop fears that may be hard to get rid of later.
What should my child be told?
Before you speak with your child, you need to understand the type of cancer he or she has and the treatment that will be given. This way, you will be prepared for questions. Your child will feel more secure if you can provide the correct information.
The amount of information and the way it should be told depend on the child's age and intellectual maturity. As a rule, a gentle, open, and honest approach is best. The following describes general stages in child development and what children are likely to understand about a serious illness at different ages. Please keep in mind that these are only general guidelines. Your child may fit into more than one or none of these categories.
Newborn to 2-Year-Olds
Children this young can't understand an illness such as cancer. They can't see it or touch it. They are more concerned with what's happening to them. Separation from their parents is a major worry. Children more than a year old are concerned with how things feel and how to control things around them. Very young children are most afraid of medical procedures and tests. Many cry, run away, or squirm to try to control what's happening.
After 18 months, children begin to think about what is going on around them. That's why an honest approach is best. Be truthful about trips to the hospital and procedures that may hurt. You can tell your child that needle-sticks will hurt for a minute and that it is okay to cry. This lets your child know that you understand and accept his or her feelings. Your honesty also helps build trust.
Being able to make choices, as long as they do not interfere with treatment or harm health, can increase your child's confidence and sense of control. For example, if a medicine is taken by mouth, your child could choose to have it mixed in apple juice, grape juice, or applesauce.
2- to 7-Year-Olds
Children ages 2 to 7 are better able to understand illness. They tend to look at things from one point of view-their own-and believe that the world revolves around them. They link events to one thing. For example, they usually tie illness to a specific event such as staying in bed or eating jello or popsicles. Children at this age often think their illness is caused by a specific action. Therefore, getting better will happen automatically if they follow a set of rules.
Younger children, in particular, need to be reassured often that they did nothing to cause their illness and that their cancer treatment is not punishment for something they have done, said, or thought. Children in this age group also need to have medical procedures explained honestly and realistically. It helps to remind children that all of the tests and treatments are done to help them feel better.
Simple explanations about cancer are also important. Stories that relate cancer to familiar ideas will help in explaining the diagnosis. These comparisons may be tailored to the child's specific cancer type. The 2- to 7-year-old, for example, understands good and bad. Try explaining cancer and treatments in terms of a battle between "good guy cells" and "bad guy cells." Taking medicine will help the good guys become stronger so they can beat the bad guys.
7- to 12-Year-Olds
Children ages 7 to 12 years are still limited by their own experiences but are starting to understand relationships among several events. Thus, they see their illness as a set of symptoms. They are less likely to believe that their illness resulted from something they did. They understand that getting better comes from taking medicines and doing what the doctor says. Children at this age are able to cooperate with treatment.
An explanation of cancer to this child can be more detailed but should still include familiar situations. Comparisons also are useful in explaining cancer to children in this age group. You might say that there are different kinds of cells in the body, and these cells have different jobs to perform. Like people, these cells must work together to get their jobs done. Cancer cells can be described as "troublemakers," that disrupt the work of the good cells. Treatment helps to get rid of the "troublemakers" so the other cells can work together once again.
Although the understanding of death varies among 7- to 12-year olds, many children in this age group think or worry about dying. However, they often are afraid to say anything to you. Be open and honest with your child. Tell your child that you, the doctors, nurses, and others are doing everything they can to make the cancer cells go away. Reassure your child that a lot of children with cancer get better, but no matter what happens, you'll be there. If you are not sure what to say, ask the doctor, nurse, social worker, or chaplain for help.
12 Years and Older
Many children older than 12 years are able to understand complex relationships between events. They are able to think about things they have not experienced themselves. Teenagers still define illness by specific symptoms such as tiredness, and by limits on everyday activities, but they also understand the reasons for their symptoms. Thus, you can explain cancer as a disease in which a few cells in the body go "haywire." These "haywire" cells grow more quickly than normal cells, invade other parts of the body, and disrupt normal body functions. The goal of treatment is to kill the "haywire" cells. Then the body can function normally again, and the symptoms will go away.
Teenagers understand that cancer can lead to death. They need to be reassured that much progress has been made in treating childhood cancer. They also need to know that many children who have cancer survive their disease and live normal, healthy lives. In fact, the number of survivors is increasing all the time.
Keeping lines of communication open
Throughout treatment and followup care, you should continue to talk openly with your child. Like many other children, your child may, with time, ask more complex questions. Setting up patterns of open communication early will support your child now and strengthen your relationship for years to come.
At times, you may feel strong emotions when you are with your child. You do not want to burden your child with your fear, anger, or sadness. But children often are aware of how you feel. In fact, children may hide their own feelings to protect their parents. You may want to discuss your feelings with your child if you think they interfere with your relationship. You can tell your child why you are sad. This reassures your child that you are not angry with him or her and also lets your child express feelings. Let your child know that it is okay to cry and be sad. This gives him or her permission to show feelings.
During treatment, it is important to remember that you, your child, and the health care team are partners. Children who truly feel like a member of this team are more likely to cooperate and to accept treatment. You can help your child by explaining what will happen and allowing him or her to make simple, safe decisions about care.
Questions your child may ask
Children often are curious and may have many questions about their illness and treatment. Your child knows and trusts you and will expect you to respond to questions. Some children will ask questions right away, while others will ask them later. Here are some ideas to help you answer some of the questions your child is likely to ask.
"Why Me?"
Children, like adults, wonder why they have cancer. They may feel strongly that their cancer was caused by something they did. A child with cancer should be told honestly that no one-not even the experts-knows why a person develops cancer. Children need to be reassured that nothing they did, or didn't do, caused their disease. Children also need to know that their illness is not contagious-they did not "catch" cancer from someone else.
"Will I Get Well?"
Often, children know about family members or friends who have died from cancer. As a result, many children are afraid to ask if they will get well; they fear the answer will be "no." You should tell your child that cancer is a serious disease but that the medicine, x-rays, and/or operation will help to get rid of the cancer. You should also tell your child that the doctors, nurses, and family are trying their best to cure the cancer. By using this approach, you are giving your child an honest, hopeful answer. Knowing there are caring people such as doctors, nurses, counselors, and others also may help your child feel more secure.
"What Will Happen to Me?"
When children are first diagnosed with cancer, many new and frightening things happen to them. While at the doctor's office, clinic, or hospital, they may see other children with cancer who are not feeling well, are bald, or have had amputations. A child may be too afraid to ask questions and may develop unrealistic fears about what will happen. For this reason, children should be told in advance about their treatment and possible side effects. They should know what will be done to help if side effects occur. Children also should know that there are many types of cancer and that what happens to another child will not necessarily happen to them, even if they have the same type of cancer or the same type of treatment.
Children should know about their treatment schedule. They also should be told about any changes in their schedule or in the type of treatment they receive. Having your child keep a calendar that shows the days for doctor's visits, treatments, or special tests will help prepare for these visits.
"Why Must I Take Medicines When I Feel Okay?"
Most of us link taking medicine to feeling sick. It's confusing to children to take medicines when they feel well. Answers to this question may relate back to the original explanation of the cancer. For example, children could be told that even though they are feeling well and have no signs of disease, the "bad-guy cells" are hiding. They must take the medicine for a while longer to help find the bad guys and stop them from coming back.
"What Should I Tell the Kids at School?"
Children with cancer are concerned about how their friends and schoolmates will react. This is especially true when they have missed a lot of school or return with obvious physical changes such as weight loss, weight gain, or hair loss. Encourage your child to keep in touch with close friends and classmates. Friends often want to know what happens when a child is away from school. Encourage your child to talk honestly about the disease and the kind of treatment being given. Suggest that your child reassure friends that they cannot "catch" cancer from anyone. You or one of the teachers at school also may be able to talk to other students.
Try to help your child understand that not all people, including some adults, know about cancer. People who don't understand cancer often act differently or may give your child incorrect information.
Such talks with others may cause your child to have doubts and fears despite all your reassurance. Ask your child about conversations with others so that you can correct any misunderstandings.
You may want to ask your child's doctor, nurse, or social worker about a school conference, classroom presentations, or a school assembly that includes a question and answer session to help other students better understand cancer and what is happening to your child. Your child's teachers or the school counselor can help.
Your child will learn two important lessons about how people react to illness. First, some people, no matter what they are told, may act different because they do not know much about cancer. Second, good friends will remain friends. They know your child is still the same friend as before.
Will I Be Able To Do the Things I Did Before I Got Cancer?
The answer to this question is individual and depends on the child's type of cancer and treatment. Most likely, your child will need some restrictions at different times during treatment. Tell your child why the doctors or nurses think it's best to restrict certain activities and how long this will last. Help your child substitute one kind of activity for another. For example, you could suggest that friends come over to paint, have a snack, or play video games if the doctor feels that your child should not ride a bike because the chance of injury is high.
Supporting your child
Like adults, children with cancer feel uncertain, anxious, and afraid at times. But, unlike many adults, children often are not able to talk about their fears. Instead, they may express their feelings by being unpleasant, boisterous, or bossy, or by being quieter than usual. As a parent, you know how your child usually behaves, so you will probably be the first to notice any differences. Play is a way for a child to express and reduce fears and anxieties, and you should encourage it. Drawing pictures and playing with puppets, dolls, and even medical supplies are ways children may show that they don't understand what is happening or that they need more reassurance and love.
Some children find it hard to express their feelings. These children may have nightmares or eating or behavioral difficulties. They also may not do as well in school. Some children resume behaviors that they had outgrown, such as bedwetting or thumbsucking. You should talk about these things with your child's doctor, nurse, social worker, or school counselor.
Remember that through the years, you as a parent already have developed a "sixth sense" about your child. You do not need to look for problems in the way your child behaves. If problems exist, they will be obvious to you. Also, remember that your child's doctor, nurse, social worker, teachers, and school counselor have had experience with situations like yours and are willing to help.
Here are ideas for reassuring your child during the cancer diagnosis and treatment:
• Remind your child that the cancer is not caused by anything he or she did. Neither the disease nor the treatment is punishment.
• Be honest and realistic in your explanations of procedures and treatments. Let your child know about any changes in treatment.
• Nobody-not even your child-expects you to know everything. Don't be afraid to say "I don't know." If your child has questions that you cannot answer, tell him or her that you'll try to find the answers.
• Don't be afraid to ask your child questions. Asking children what they are thinking and feeling does not create new fears; it gives them the chance to express the fears they already have.
• Tell your child that it is okay to feel sad and cry. This provides an outlet for emotions.
• Set limits. During this period, your child may challenge the rules you've set. It's natural to let ill children "bend the rules," but this actually may make them more anxious. They may imagine that things are worse than they really are.
• Let your child have some control as long as it does not harm his or her health or interfere with treatment. This allows your child to grow in spite of the needed restrictions.
• Encourage activities to reduce anxiety. Drawing, playing with medical supplies or puppets, and role-playing may help your child express feelings. Therapeutic play with a social worker or psychologist can help young children better understand and adjust to their illness.
• Encourage your child to talk about his or her feelings. Frequent family talks can help reduce anxiety. Talking helps the whole family cope with this illness together.
• Recognize that children, like adults, have good days and bad days.
• Remember that the health care team is there to answer questions and give support to you and your family.
• Children, especially those younger than age 5, worry about being separated from their parents. Reassure your child that even though you have to leave, you love him or her and will return as soon as you can.
• Help your child keep in touch with friends, family members, and schoolmates while away from school. This tells your child that he or she is still a normal kid with friends, interests, and responsibilities.
• Encourage your child to do homework and to go back to school as soon as possible. If your child is unable to attend school, even for a short amount of time, you may be able to request a tutor or a teacher to come to your home. Encouraging your child to keep up with schoolwork, even at home, will send a positive message.
• Despite all that is going on, your child is the same person as before, with the same emotional needs as any other growing child. Take some time each day to love and enjoy each other as much as you can.
Article Created: 1999-05-09
Article Updated: 1999-05-09
Learning that your child has cancer is perhaps the hardest news you ever have had to face. As a parent, you must now decide how to tell your child.
The questions that many parents ask are: "What should my child be told?" "Who should tell my child?" and "When should my child be told?" This article was written to help you answer these questions.
You probably already are asking, "Should I tell my child about the cancer at all?" In the past, children were often shielded from the diagnosis. But, studies show that most children know they have a serious illness despite attempts of parents and health care workers to protect them.
Most likely, your child already suspects that something is wrong. He or she may not feel well, is seeing the doctor more often, and has had some uncomfortable and frightening tests. Your child also may sense the anxiety and fears of family members and close friends.
Children who are not told about their illness often depend on their imagination and fears to explain their symptoms. Many children with cancer believe their illness is punishment for something they have done; as a result, they may feel unnecessary anxiety and guilt. Health professionals generally agree that telling children the truth about their illness decreases stress and guilt. Knowing the truth also increases a child's cooperation with treatment. In addition, talking about cancer often helps bring the family closer together and makes dealing with illness a little easier for everyone.
Who should tell my child?
The answer to this question is personal. It depends on the relationship you have with your child and on your own feelings and attitudes. You may want to tell your child yourself, or you may want your child's doctor to help explain the illness. Either way, you or someone close to your child should offer support, encouragement, and love.
If you choose to tell your child yourself, talking to others might help you decide what to say. Health professionals such as your child's doctor, nurse, or social worker can offer ideas. Talk with parents of other children with cancer. Thinking about what you want to say, talking it over with other concerned adults, and rehearsing it with someone close to you will help you feel more at ease.
When should my child be told?
Because you are the best judge of your child's personality and moods, you are probably the best person to decide when your child should be told about the illness. There is no "right" moment to tell a child he or she has cancer. Try to choose a quiet time and place where you and your child can be alone. This will create a calm and supportive atmosphere. It is probably best to talk with your child soon after diagnosis. Waiting days or weeks gives children more time to use their imagination and develop fears that may be hard to get rid of later.
What should my child be told?
Before you speak with your child, you need to understand the type of cancer he or she has and the treatment that will be given. This way, you will be prepared for questions. Your child will feel more secure if you can provide the correct information.
The amount of information and the way it should be told depend on the child's age and intellectual maturity. As a rule, a gentle, open, and honest approach is best. The following describes general stages in child development and what children are likely to understand about a serious illness at different ages. Please keep in mind that these are only general guidelines. Your child may fit into more than one or none of these categories.
Newborn to 2-Year-Olds
Children this young can't understand an illness such as cancer. They can't see it or touch it. They are more concerned with what's happening to them. Separation from their parents is a major worry. Children more than a year old are concerned with how things feel and how to control things around them. Very young children are most afraid of medical procedures and tests. Many cry, run away, or squirm to try to control what's happening.
After 18 months, children begin to think about what is going on around them. That's why an honest approach is best. Be truthful about trips to the hospital and procedures that may hurt. You can tell your child that needle-sticks will hurt for a minute and that it is okay to cry. This lets your child know that you understand and accept his or her feelings. Your honesty also helps build trust.
Being able to make choices, as long as they do not interfere with treatment or harm health, can increase your child's confidence and sense of control. For example, if a medicine is taken by mouth, your child could choose to have it mixed in apple juice, grape juice, or applesauce.
2- to 7-Year-Olds
Children ages 2 to 7 are better able to understand illness. They tend to look at things from one point of view-their own-and believe that the world revolves around them. They link events to one thing. For example, they usually tie illness to a specific event such as staying in bed or eating jello or popsicles. Children at this age often think their illness is caused by a specific action. Therefore, getting better will happen automatically if they follow a set of rules.
Younger children, in particular, need to be reassured often that they did nothing to cause their illness and that their cancer treatment is not punishment for something they have done, said, or thought. Children in this age group also need to have medical procedures explained honestly and realistically. It helps to remind children that all of the tests and treatments are done to help them feel better.
Simple explanations about cancer are also important. Stories that relate cancer to familiar ideas will help in explaining the diagnosis. These comparisons may be tailored to the child's specific cancer type. The 2- to 7-year-old, for example, understands good and bad. Try explaining cancer and treatments in terms of a battle between "good guy cells" and "bad guy cells." Taking medicine will help the good guys become stronger so they can beat the bad guys.
7- to 12-Year-Olds
Children ages 7 to 12 years are still limited by their own experiences but are starting to understand relationships among several events. Thus, they see their illness as a set of symptoms. They are less likely to believe that their illness resulted from something they did. They understand that getting better comes from taking medicines and doing what the doctor says. Children at this age are able to cooperate with treatment.
An explanation of cancer to this child can be more detailed but should still include familiar situations. Comparisons also are useful in explaining cancer to children in this age group. You might say that there are different kinds of cells in the body, and these cells have different jobs to perform. Like people, these cells must work together to get their jobs done. Cancer cells can be described as "troublemakers," that disrupt the work of the good cells. Treatment helps to get rid of the "troublemakers" so the other cells can work together once again.
Although the understanding of death varies among 7- to 12-year olds, many children in this age group think or worry about dying. However, they often are afraid to say anything to you. Be open and honest with your child. Tell your child that you, the doctors, nurses, and others are doing everything they can to make the cancer cells go away. Reassure your child that a lot of children with cancer get better, but no matter what happens, you'll be there. If you are not sure what to say, ask the doctor, nurse, social worker, or chaplain for help.
12 Years and Older
Many children older than 12 years are able to understand complex relationships between events. They are able to think about things they have not experienced themselves. Teenagers still define illness by specific symptoms such as tiredness, and by limits on everyday activities, but they also understand the reasons for their symptoms. Thus, you can explain cancer as a disease in which a few cells in the body go "haywire." These "haywire" cells grow more quickly than normal cells, invade other parts of the body, and disrupt normal body functions. The goal of treatment is to kill the "haywire" cells. Then the body can function normally again, and the symptoms will go away.
Teenagers understand that cancer can lead to death. They need to be reassured that much progress has been made in treating childhood cancer. They also need to know that many children who have cancer survive their disease and live normal, healthy lives. In fact, the number of survivors is increasing all the time.
Keeping lines of communication open
Throughout treatment and followup care, you should continue to talk openly with your child. Like many other children, your child may, with time, ask more complex questions. Setting up patterns of open communication early will support your child now and strengthen your relationship for years to come.
At times, you may feel strong emotions when you are with your child. You do not want to burden your child with your fear, anger, or sadness. But children often are aware of how you feel. In fact, children may hide their own feelings to protect their parents. You may want to discuss your feelings with your child if you think they interfere with your relationship. You can tell your child why you are sad. This reassures your child that you are not angry with him or her and also lets your child express feelings. Let your child know that it is okay to cry and be sad. This gives him or her permission to show feelings.
During treatment, it is important to remember that you, your child, and the health care team are partners. Children who truly feel like a member of this team are more likely to cooperate and to accept treatment. You can help your child by explaining what will happen and allowing him or her to make simple, safe decisions about care.
Questions your child may ask
Children often are curious and may have many questions about their illness and treatment. Your child knows and trusts you and will expect you to respond to questions. Some children will ask questions right away, while others will ask them later. Here are some ideas to help you answer some of the questions your child is likely to ask.
"Why Me?"
Children, like adults, wonder why they have cancer. They may feel strongly that their cancer was caused by something they did. A child with cancer should be told honestly that no one-not even the experts-knows why a person develops cancer. Children need to be reassured that nothing they did, or didn't do, caused their disease. Children also need to know that their illness is not contagious-they did not "catch" cancer from someone else.
"Will I Get Well?"
Often, children know about family members or friends who have died from cancer. As a result, many children are afraid to ask if they will get well; they fear the answer will be "no." You should tell your child that cancer is a serious disease but that the medicine, x-rays, and/or operation will help to get rid of the cancer. You should also tell your child that the doctors, nurses, and family are trying their best to cure the cancer. By using this approach, you are giving your child an honest, hopeful answer. Knowing there are caring people such as doctors, nurses, counselors, and others also may help your child feel more secure.
"What Will Happen to Me?"
When children are first diagnosed with cancer, many new and frightening things happen to them. While at the doctor's office, clinic, or hospital, they may see other children with cancer who are not feeling well, are bald, or have had amputations. A child may be too afraid to ask questions and may develop unrealistic fears about what will happen. For this reason, children should be told in advance about their treatment and possible side effects. They should know what will be done to help if side effects occur. Children also should know that there are many types of cancer and that what happens to another child will not necessarily happen to them, even if they have the same type of cancer or the same type of treatment.
Children should know about their treatment schedule. They also should be told about any changes in their schedule or in the type of treatment they receive. Having your child keep a calendar that shows the days for doctor's visits, treatments, or special tests will help prepare for these visits.
"Why Must I Take Medicines When I Feel Okay?"
Most of us link taking medicine to feeling sick. It's confusing to children to take medicines when they feel well. Answers to this question may relate back to the original explanation of the cancer. For example, children could be told that even though they are feeling well and have no signs of disease, the "bad-guy cells" are hiding. They must take the medicine for a while longer to help find the bad guys and stop them from coming back.
"What Should I Tell the Kids at School?"
Children with cancer are concerned about how their friends and schoolmates will react. This is especially true when they have missed a lot of school or return with obvious physical changes such as weight loss, weight gain, or hair loss. Encourage your child to keep in touch with close friends and classmates. Friends often want to know what happens when a child is away from school. Encourage your child to talk honestly about the disease and the kind of treatment being given. Suggest that your child reassure friends that they cannot "catch" cancer from anyone. You or one of the teachers at school also may be able to talk to other students.
Try to help your child understand that not all people, including some adults, know about cancer. People who don't understand cancer often act differently or may give your child incorrect information.
Such talks with others may cause your child to have doubts and fears despite all your reassurance. Ask your child about conversations with others so that you can correct any misunderstandings.
You may want to ask your child's doctor, nurse, or social worker about a school conference, classroom presentations, or a school assembly that includes a question and answer session to help other students better understand cancer and what is happening to your child. Your child's teachers or the school counselor can help.
Your child will learn two important lessons about how people react to illness. First, some people, no matter what they are told, may act different because they do not know much about cancer. Second, good friends will remain friends. They know your child is still the same friend as before.
Will I Be Able To Do the Things I Did Before I Got Cancer?
The answer to this question is individual and depends on the child's type of cancer and treatment. Most likely, your child will need some restrictions at different times during treatment. Tell your child why the doctors or nurses think it's best to restrict certain activities and how long this will last. Help your child substitute one kind of activity for another. For example, you could suggest that friends come over to paint, have a snack, or play video games if the doctor feels that your child should not ride a bike because the chance of injury is high.
Supporting your child
Like adults, children with cancer feel uncertain, anxious, and afraid at times. But, unlike many adults, children often are not able to talk about their fears. Instead, they may express their feelings by being unpleasant, boisterous, or bossy, or by being quieter than usual. As a parent, you know how your child usually behaves, so you will probably be the first to notice any differences. Play is a way for a child to express and reduce fears and anxieties, and you should encourage it. Drawing pictures and playing with puppets, dolls, and even medical supplies are ways children may show that they don't understand what is happening or that they need more reassurance and love.
Some children find it hard to express their feelings. These children may have nightmares or eating or behavioral difficulties. They also may not do as well in school. Some children resume behaviors that they had outgrown, such as bedwetting or thumbsucking. You should talk about these things with your child's doctor, nurse, social worker, or school counselor.
Remember that through the years, you as a parent already have developed a "sixth sense" about your child. You do not need to look for problems in the way your child behaves. If problems exist, they will be obvious to you. Also, remember that your child's doctor, nurse, social worker, teachers, and school counselor have had experience with situations like yours and are willing to help.
Here are ideas for reassuring your child during the cancer diagnosis and treatment:
• Remind your child that the cancer is not caused by anything he or she did. Neither the disease nor the treatment is punishment.
• Be honest and realistic in your explanations of procedures and treatments. Let your child know about any changes in treatment.
• Nobody-not even your child-expects you to know everything. Don't be afraid to say "I don't know." If your child has questions that you cannot answer, tell him or her that you'll try to find the answers.
• Don't be afraid to ask your child questions. Asking children what they are thinking and feeling does not create new fears; it gives them the chance to express the fears they already have.
• Tell your child that it is okay to feel sad and cry. This provides an outlet for emotions.
• Set limits. During this period, your child may challenge the rules you've set. It's natural to let ill children "bend the rules," but this actually may make them more anxious. They may imagine that things are worse than they really are.
• Let your child have some control as long as it does not harm his or her health or interfere with treatment. This allows your child to grow in spite of the needed restrictions.
• Encourage activities to reduce anxiety. Drawing, playing with medical supplies or puppets, and role-playing may help your child express feelings. Therapeutic play with a social worker or psychologist can help young children better understand and adjust to their illness.
• Encourage your child to talk about his or her feelings. Frequent family talks can help reduce anxiety. Talking helps the whole family cope with this illness together.
• Recognize that children, like adults, have good days and bad days.
• Remember that the health care team is there to answer questions and give support to you and your family.
• Children, especially those younger than age 5, worry about being separated from their parents. Reassure your child that even though you have to leave, you love him or her and will return as soon as you can.
• Help your child keep in touch with friends, family members, and schoolmates while away from school. This tells your child that he or she is still a normal kid with friends, interests, and responsibilities.
• Encourage your child to do homework and to go back to school as soon as possible. If your child is unable to attend school, even for a short amount of time, you may be able to request a tutor or a teacher to come to your home. Encouraging your child to keep up with schoolwork, even at home, will send a positive message.
• Despite all that is going on, your child is the same person as before, with the same emotional needs as any other growing child. Take some time each day to love and enjoy each other as much as you can.
Information provided by the National Cancer Institute National Institutes of Health
Article Created: 1999-05-09
Article Updated: 1999-05-09
2007年10月19日 星期五
最後14堂星期二的課－－第13個星期二
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墨瑞說：「前幾天我聽人講一個很好的小故事。」他閉目養神片刻，我耐心等著。
「好。故事是有關一個小波浪，在海裡翻滾著，日子過得很愉快。他喜歡風和新鮮的空氣，直到有一天他注意到，其它的波浪都在他前面，拍擊著岸邊。」
「『我的天哪，這真可怕，』小波浪說：『我的最後命運也是這様！』」
「這時來了另一個波浪，他看到小波浪悶悶不樂，就問他：『你什麼事這麼不高興？』」
「小波浪回答：『你不了解！我們都會拍打到岸邊！我們這些波浪都會化為烏有！這不是很可怕嗎！』」
「那個波浪說：『錯了，你才不了解，你不是一個波浪，你是海洋的一部分。』」
我露出微笑。墨瑞又再閉上眼睛。
墨瑞說：「前幾天我聽人講一個很好的小故事。」他閉目養神片刻，我耐心等著。
「好。故事是有關一個小波浪，在海裡翻滾著，日子過得很愉快。他喜歡風和新鮮的空氣，直到有一天他注意到，其它的波浪都在他前面，拍擊著岸邊。」
「『我的天哪，這真可怕，』小波浪說：『我的最後命運也是這様！』」
「這時來了另一個波浪，他看到小波浪悶悶不樂，就問他：『你什麼事這麼不高興？』」
「小波浪回答：『你不了解！我們都會拍打到岸邊！我們這些波浪都會化為烏有！這不是很可怕嗎！』」
「那個波浪說：『錯了，你才不了解，你不是一個波浪，你是海洋的一部分。』」
我露出微笑。墨瑞又再閉上眼睛。
最後14堂星期二的課/作者：Mitch Albom
．
2007年10月18日 星期四
死亡如此靠近：一位社工師的安寧病房手記
- 生命，不該用來害怕死去。練習著認識死亡的面目，練習到有一天，當它來臨的時候，我們在它面對不會慌張．．．。
- 我不允許自己成為一個機器，視死亡為工作中的一部份而不帶任何的感受與反省。
- 我一直深信，因為有死亡，人對生命有了領悟；因為有死亡，人可以在終點來臨之前讓自己學會如何真正的活著，完全的活著。
- 許多人好奇問我：「是什麼因素使你到安寧療護領域工作？」「工作中常面對死亡，成就感從哪裡來？」「你怎麼調適在工作中面對的死亡壓力與感受？」有一回，對方甚至未等我回答，就馬上下結論說：「你一定沒感覺了，每天面對一定麻木了。」
- 這些輕易歸類我的感覺的人，我感到惋惜。有著此種疑問的人，大都是在面對死亡這件事上有著困難或無法超越，他們需要的是自己的答案，不是我的答案，我的答案不能對他們有意義，唯有他們自己尋找，這個經驗才會是他的，才是他所需要的意義。
- 否認──病人家屬輸掉了病人康復的希望，輸掉了與親人相處的時光，還輸掉了完成心願的機會、輸掉了妥善處理未完之事的時間。
- 面對自己摯愛的人即將死亡，任誰也無法心平氣和的說接受就接受。因此，悲傷輔導並不是要家屬個個都能含笑送別病人，而是我們既體會到生離死別的困難，就能將心此心，明白他們需要時間表達因失落引發的痛苦與悲傷。
- 許多關心臨終病人及家屬的人，一廂情願的以為，臨終關懷的意義便是讓病人毫無情緒的坦然接受死亡的到來、家屬們也毫無眷戀不捨的接受親友的死亡。這樣的看法，太輕忽人的感情，也漠視病人及家屬的感受。人的珍貴與價值，在於人有多樣豐富的情感，這些情感雖然是種負擔，卻也是愛的滋味。
- 醫學相信，人死亡時，耳力是最後消失的。當病人瀕死，意識不清時，往往還是可以清楚聽到週遭的一切話語。
- 我第一次領悟到，死亡來臨前，人其實能清楚的自知，是從一位老太太口中得知的。
- 孩子的眼淚是一顆顆的珍珠，他們的眼淚需要溫柔的人去承接，這些眼淚正是他們參與人間的記號。
- 懷念總是如影隨形的。懷念，若是為了提醒自己曾經有愛；懷念若是為了幫助自己善加對待自己與身邊的人；懷念，若是增加自己活下去並且活得好的力量，懷念是值得的。
- 我自己遇到的困難是，照顧別人的同時，我可能會產生衝擊、感慨、悲傷等感受．但難以與別人分享，不只過程難以說清楚，也會造成別人心理的沈重負荷。這樣的孤獨性是必然存在的；畢竟我想談的不是有如討論電視劇情般的不痛不癢。我想談的是活生生、真實存在我身邊受苦、掙扎的人們所帶給我的撼動。
- 我看重自己的專業，但我不允許自己以侵入者、強勢者、控制者的姿態去處理病人、家屬的問題。
- 我自己常反省是否落入專業人員的迷思：相信自己懂得多、接觸得多、做的判斷最佳，而忽略了專業乃是為了人而產生的。
- 作者 :蘇絢慧
死亡如此靠近：照顧喪親孩子的方法
- 不否認情緒的存在，向孩子表明自己也一樣難過、捨不得，如此可讓孩子知道情緒是自然的反應。
- 讓孩子了解，死亡是萬物都會經歷的過程，猶如四季的轉換，也像葉子從新生到凋零的過程。
- 用孩子能理解的語言，告訴孩子死亡是如何發生的，究竟是意外還是疾病造成的，這一切的經過是如何。
- 對於一些無法解釋的事情，要承認自己的限制，例如人死後到哪裡去的問題。太強調天堂的美好，會讓孩子困惑為何自己要留在世間！
- 允許孩子提出任何關於死亡的問題，好澄清他們自己的想像。例如：「是不是因為我不乖，媽媽才會死掉？」這類的問題。
- 尊重孩子自己接收死亡這件事的步調，勿一股腦將訊息抛出，使孩子負荷過重。
- 告訴孩子，當他們難過時，怎麼做可以好過一些，例如哭出來、寫出來、畫出來。
- 對孩子保證他們依然會受到關愛與照顧，並不是愛他們的人走了他們就沒有機會再擁有愛與關懷。
- 不要用簡化的語言來象徵死亡，例如：耶穌接他走了、他睡著了。孩子還不能理解這些話的涵義，他們會以為親人會再醒來，或以為睡覺便會死掉。
- 幫助孩子哀悼，告訴他葬禮的過程、時間及在儀式過程中會做的事及其意義。如果有事需要他做，必須事先和他溝通，並尊重他的意願。
- 幫助孩子告別，讓他可以向親人說再見，用莊重祝福的心送親人離世。
資料來源：蘇絢慧/一位社工師的安寧病房手記
2007年10月16日 星期二
致命的負面態度──令人放棄生存的「終極武器」
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美國陸軍首席精神科醫師威廉．梅耶少校(William E. Mayer)針對一千位曾被北韓因禁的美國戰俘進行研究。當時被囚禁的戰俘營都有足夠的食物、飲水、房舍，也沒有承受常見的酷刑，與歷史上其他重大戰爭相較，刑求紀錄是比較少的。
營區甚至沒有鐵絲網圍住他們，也沒有荷槍的衛兵看守。倖存者被送到日本紅十字會時，每個人都可以打電話向家報平安，但多數人沒有打。梅耶形容他們個個就像行屍走肉一般。
梅耶發現他們都得一種極端絕望的病。常見的狀況是一名戰俘走入囚房，絕望地環目四顧，感覺生存下去已沒有意義。然後，他會走到一個角落，坐下來，拉一條毯子蓋住頭，在兩天內去世。
事實上士兵們發明了一個名詞──「放棄病」，來形容這個現象。醫生稱之為「消極病」(mirasmus)．依據梅耶的解釋，意指「缺乏抗拒的動力，陷入完全的消極。」如果那些士兵曾被虐待，他們會憤怒而激發生存下去的動力。反之許多生命因為缺乏動力而夭亡，雖然醫學上找不到確切的死因。
戰俘營總死亡率達百分之三十八──高居美國戰爭史之冠。更驚人的其中半數純粹死於放棄病，亦即在身心兩方面完全失去鬥志。問題就出在北韓獄卒所使用的極端心理策略，梅耶稱之為戰爭的「終極武器」。
北韓的目標是「讓每個人切斷人際關係的情感支持」。他們運用四個主要方法：
1. 鼓勵告密──破壞人際關係，讓他們彼此離間。
2. 自我批判──腐蝕士兵之間的關懷、信任、尊重與接納。
3. 切斷對領導者與國家的忠誠──切斷對上的尊敬信賴，失去信仰及寄託。
4. 阻隔所有的情感支持──強力灌輸各種負面情緒。
北韓獄卒將美國士兵擲入「一種情感與心理完全孤立的狀態，那是我們多數人從來沒有過的經驗。」──對自我、他人、世界完全負面的感受。那些士兵再也沒有活下去的理由，對自己、家人失去了基本的信心，更遑論相信上帝和國家。這場戰役對他們造成毀滅性的影響。
美國陸軍首席精神科醫師威廉．梅耶少校(William E. Mayer)針對一千位曾被北韓因禁的美國戰俘進行研究。當時被囚禁的戰俘營都有足夠的食物、飲水、房舍，也沒有承受常見的酷刑，與歷史上其他重大戰爭相較，刑求紀錄是比較少的。
營區甚至沒有鐵絲網圍住他們，也沒有荷槍的衛兵看守。倖存者被送到日本紅十字會時，每個人都可以打電話向家報平安，但多數人沒有打。梅耶形容他們個個就像行屍走肉一般。
梅耶發現他們都得一種極端絕望的病。常見的狀況是一名戰俘走入囚房，絕望地環目四顧，感覺生存下去已沒有意義。然後，他會走到一個角落，坐下來，拉一條毯子蓋住頭，在兩天內去世。
事實上士兵們發明了一個名詞──「放棄病」，來形容這個現象。醫生稱之為「消極病」(mirasmus)．依據梅耶的解釋，意指「缺乏抗拒的動力，陷入完全的消極。」如果那些士兵曾被虐待，他們會憤怒而激發生存下去的動力。反之許多生命因為缺乏動力而夭亡，雖然醫學上找不到確切的死因。
戰俘營總死亡率達百分之三十八──高居美國戰爭史之冠。更驚人的其中半數純粹死於放棄病，亦即在身心兩方面完全失去鬥志。問題就出在北韓獄卒所使用的極端心理策略，梅耶稱之為戰爭的「終極武器」。
北韓的目標是「讓每個人切斷人際關係的情感支持」。他們運用四個主要方法：
1. 鼓勵告密──破壞人際關係，讓他們彼此離間。
2. 自我批判──腐蝕士兵之間的關懷、信任、尊重與接納。
3. 切斷對領導者與國家的忠誠──切斷對上的尊敬信賴，失去信仰及寄託。
4. 阻隔所有的情感支持──強力灌輸各種負面情緒。
北韓獄卒將美國士兵擲入「一種情感與心理完全孤立的狀態，那是我們多數人從來沒有過的經驗。」──對自我、他人、世界完全負面的感受。那些士兵再也沒有活下去的理由，對自己、家人失去了基本的信心，更遑論相信上帝和國家。這場戰役對他們造成毀滅性的影響。
.資料來源：你的桶子有多滿－樂觀思想的神奇力量
正向心理學──水桶與杓子理論
．
唐諾．克里夫頓(Donald O. Clifton)－正向心理學(Positive Psychology)鼻祖及優點心理學之父－－與同僚看了這心理折磨的恐怖故事後大受震撼，遂決定從反面進行研究，如果人類可以因極端的負面強化而被摧毀，是不是也能因同等的正面力量得到更大的鼓舞？他們的研究主題可以濃縮為一句話：正面的力量是否比負面力量更具影響力？這個研究催生了水桶與杓子的理論。
水桶與杓子理論
唐諾．克里夫頓(Donald O. Clifton)－正向心理學(Positive Psychology)鼻祖及優點心理學之父－－與同僚看了這心理折磨的恐怖故事後大受震撼，遂決定從反面進行研究，如果人類可以因極端的負面強化而被摧毀，是不是也能因同等的正面力量得到更大的鼓舞？他們的研究主題可以濃縮為一句話：正面的力量是否比負面力量更具影響力？這個研究催生了水桶與杓子的理論。
水桶與杓子理論
每個人都有一個無形的水桶，當水桶滿溢時我們便處於最佳狀態；反之，水桶空無一物時心情則跌入谷底。每個人也都有一支無形的杓子，每一次人際互動都可以杓子為別人加水或把水舀出來。當我們選擇為別人加水時，也同時在為自己加水。
創造正向情緒的五種策略
第一、避免從別人的水桶舀水
第二、凸顯光明面
第三、交友要交心
第四、製造驚喜
第五、顛覆以眼還眼的黃金律
正向思考測驗──你的桶子有多滿？
第二、凸顯光明面
第三、交友要交心
第四、製造驚喜
第五、顛覆以眼還眼的黃金律
正向思考測驗──你的桶子有多滿？
1. 過去二十四小時裡我曾經幫助過別人。
2. 我是非常有禮的人。
3. 我喜歡與正面的人相處。
4. 過去二十四小時裡我曾經稱讚別人。
5. 我很懂如何讓別人心情好。
6. 我與正面的人共事時生產力較高。
7. 過去二十四小時裡我曾表達對別人的關懷。
8. 不論到哪裡我都會盡量多認識朋友。
9. 當我得到認可時，我會想要對別人也表達認可。
10. 過去一週裡我曾傾聽他人的目標與抱負。
11. 我能讓不快樂的人笑出來。
12. 我和同事打招呼時一定使用對方喜歡的稱呼。
13. 我會注意同事的優異表現。
14. 我碰到人都會微笑以對。
15. 每當看到別人有好的表現時，稱讚對方會讓我也覺得很愉快。
【五句讚美：一句指正】人際互動黃金比律
人際正負面互動的黃金比律為五比一，夫妻互動若接近此比律，婚姻幸福的機率很高；若趨近一比一，離婚率高達百分之九十四以上。但正面態度必須建立在現實基礎上，超過十三比一時反而有反效果。
資料來源：你的桶子有多滿－樂觀思想的神奇力量
2007年10月9日 星期二
瀕死經驗──接近死亡對生命意義的影響
.
在美國的高速公路上曾發生一次嚴重的連環車禍，有一位年輕人當場死亡。在間隔六部車子之後的車上，有一對老夫婦在知道車禍後，當場很虔誠的為他禱告。半年後那個年輕人敲他們的家門，謝謝這對老夫婦。
原來在那次車禍中，那位年輕人真的當場死亡，當時他的靈魂離開了他的肉體，他在半空中感覺到老夫婦兩人對他的祝福，所以記下他們的車號，在送醫院後他被救回來了，在經過半年的復健後，他出院了並依當時記得的車號找到老夫婦倆，謝謝他們的禱告。
這些瀕死經驗研究，不在證明是否有來生，但可以告訴我們如何面對今生，大多數的人沒有過這種特殊經驗，但是可以幫助我們用嶄新的態度去看待生命及死亡。
另外，在擁有瀕死經驗後，這些又活過來的人，也有一些共同的後續效應，例如：
- 對生命充滿感恩
- 自我接納
- 關懷他人
- 尊重生命
- 不注意物質享受
- 不與人競爭
- 心靈至上
- 渴求知識
- 具神聖使命感
- 無懼死亡
- 相信未來還有生命
- 相信神是存在的
- 心智成長
- 超常之敏感度
- 對宗教信仰減弱
- 重視大自然
- 生活充實有意義
- 身體機能轉變
──高明薇（中華民國永傳道德教育會秘書長）
.
2007年10月8日 星期一
生活理念的迷思－生命花園
*
一、人們理所當然的該享有遠離壓力、貧窮、意外與危險的快樂生命
二、貧窮引發社會疾病
三、改變是可能的
四、童年的創傷經驗會導致成年的情緒問題
五、我們要為自己的疾病「負責」
六、吃什麼像什麼
七、成功的人際關係中妥協是必要的
八、和平是可能的
九、為了獨立，叛逆是必要的
十、在個體成長中個人權力是重要的
十一、 高自我評價對個人的成功是重要的
十二、 羞愧感是不快樂的原因
十三、 壞事只發生在壞人身上
十四、 人性本善
十五、 走出頭腦：只要相信身體！
十六、 你不是你的身體，也不是你的心智！
十七、 人們需要被愛（尤其是孩子）
十八、 別人會傷害到我們的感受
十九、 相信你的感受
二十、 所有狂熱的崇拜都是壞的
二十一、 如果你真的了解，你就會同意
二十二、 好的溝通保證持久的關係
二十三、 嫉妒會破壞關係
二十四、 親密等於性興奮
二十五、 金錢買不到幸福
二十六、 為孩子起見，父母應該在一起
親愛的你，以上這些信念你有嗎？
你知道它們為什麼是現代人的迷思嗎？
你可以挑戰自己的信念認真思考──為什麼陷入這些迷思之中嗎？
*
一、人們理所當然的該享有遠離壓力、貧窮、意外與危險的快樂生命
二、貧窮引發社會疾病
三、改變是可能的
四、童年的創傷經驗會導致成年的情緒問題
五、我們要為自己的疾病「負責」
六、吃什麼像什麼
七、成功的人際關係中妥協是必要的
八、和平是可能的
九、為了獨立，叛逆是必要的
十、在個體成長中個人權力是重要的
十一、 高自我評價對個人的成功是重要的
十二、 羞愧感是不快樂的原因
十三、 壞事只發生在壞人身上
十四、 人性本善
十五、 走出頭腦：只要相信身體！
十六、 你不是你的身體，也不是你的心智！
十七、 人們需要被愛（尤其是孩子）
十八、 別人會傷害到我們的感受
十九、 相信你的感受
二十、 所有狂熱的崇拜都是壞的
二十一、 如果你真的了解，你就會同意
二十二、 好的溝通保證持久的關係
二十三、 嫉妒會破壞關係
二十四、 親密等於性興奮
二十五、 金錢買不到幸福
二十六、 為孩子起見，父母應該在一起
親愛的你，以上這些信念你有嗎？
你知道它們為什麼是現代人的迷思嗎？
你可以挑戰自己的信念認真思考──為什麼陷入這些迷思之中嗎？
*
2007年10月6日 星期六
愛過－－Susan Clark
*
治癒之路 引人不適
掀開舊傷 艱難不易
不可能不流血
覺察，智慧與愛的代價常是苦楚
戰士寧可踽踽獨行
體驗生命權勢與剛毅的戲碼
暗自哭泣，孤絕而亡
成為英雄、享有榮耀
卻鮮少被愛
愛來自分享、守護與感知
容許我的傷痛與你相混
在這共享的經驗我尋獲力量
讓我深信不疑的迎向生命的劇本
因我並非獨自一人
你的眼淚化為我的力量
賦予我勇氣讓我放下
我珍愛我們分享的眼淚
一如我珍愛我們的喜悅
它引領我上路
不再那麼害怕滴血
舉步邁向痊癒
不會在孤獨中逝去
不是英雄
既疲憊又殘破
……可是愛過
──蘇珊．克拉克 (Susan Clark)
治癒之路 引人不適
掀開舊傷 艱難不易
不可能不流血
覺察，智慧與愛的代價常是苦楚
戰士寧可踽踽獨行
體驗生命權勢與剛毅的戲碼
暗自哭泣，孤絕而亡
成為英雄、享有榮耀
卻鮮少被愛
愛來自分享、守護與感知
容許我的傷痛與你相混
在這共享的經驗我尋獲力量
讓我深信不疑的迎向生命的劇本
因我並非獨自一人
你的眼淚化為我的力量
賦予我勇氣讓我放下
我珍愛我們分享的眼淚
一如我珍愛我們的喜悅
它引領我上路
不再那麼害怕滴血
舉步邁向痊癒
不會在孤獨中逝去
不是英雄
既疲憊又殘破
……可是愛過
──蘇珊．克拉克 (Susan Clark)
2007年10月3日 星期三
轉貼一篇魔獸歐洲論壇的文章（大陸網友翻譯的）
前提：為什麼要貼這篇文章？因為我想讓閱讀者理解這裡頭有很深的失落過程。許多大人並不玩線上遊戲，不能理解孩子在線上遊戲裡也正在學習人際溝通與互動技巧，即使是虛擬人物，也是需要被關注、被肯定。
現實生活的嚴酷，悶死人的社會環境與教育制度，綁架的不只是大人，還有無數的孩子，我們長期習得無助慣了，所以無法有力量的要求國家改變什麼。孩子在如此的氛圍下成長，許多弱勢的族群只能藉著遊戲感受到一些人的關注與溫情。
下面的故事，我看了很感動，但同時想流淚，有許多孩子在線上仍需要被幫助與被關懷的。
現實生活的嚴酷，悶死人的社會環境與教育制度，綁架的不只是大人，還有無數的孩子，我們長期習得無助慣了，所以無法有力量的要求國家改變什麼。孩子在如此的氛圍下成長，許多弱勢的族群只能藉著遊戲感受到一些人的關注與溫情。
下面的故事，我看了很感動，但同時想流淚，有許多孩子在線上仍需要被幫助與被關懷的。
資料來源: http://tw.myblog.yahoo.com/graceswr/
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嗯，故事是這樣的……我來自一個RP伺服器（想噴就來吧），參加了一個以RP為中心的工會，我們不在乎你是否有紫裝，也不在意你的級別，只要你遵守伺服器的規則，喜歡講故事，你就會受到歡迎（這不代表我們都穿法袍裝成甘道爾夫的模樣）。
在Moonglade伺服器，我們的工會因為RP氛圍而受到尊敬，作為一個工會官員，我要處理很多想加入的人的申請。
幾 個月以前，我正在藏寶海灣的拍賣行前看東西時收到了這樣一條密語：“請幫我做一些任務好嗎？”對於這樣的請求，我通常都會告訴他們我很忙，或者乾脆不理， 但看到他把請拼寫為”please”而不是”plz”或者更令人迷惑的”pl0x”，我去幫他了，一個34級的小戰士。幫他做了幾個紅色的任務，我們一邊 聊天一邊玩，我發現他不是一個歲數很大的玩家，因為他總是要afk因為“他的父親要查收郵件。”而且他很明顯是個小白，總是指著很普通的東西說： “coooooooooool!!”
做了一些任務後，我必須要走了。這個禮貌的孩子並沒有像一般人那樣說：“thx”，而是說： “thank you very much。”然後他問我是否可以加入我的工會。我並不想裝成個老鳥，但他這樣的玩家並不是很合適加入一個rp工會，至少不是我所在的。這個要求就像是一個 穿著一身綠裝的狂暴戰士要求在MC裏做MT一樣……但為了不傷害他的感情，我告訴他我們現在滿員，他並不在意，再次向我致謝後走了。
在接下來的幾周裏，我時常收到他的密語，無非是一些他升級的狀況，例如：“ding! Lvl 50 ”。他不是那種一但你幫助了他一次以後就不停向你求助的討厭傢伙。
幾 天前我正在暴風城瀏覽拍賣物品，注意到幾個人在交易頻道裏噴一個可憐的傢伙，因為他的賣價比較高。我意識到那個可憐的傢伙就是我曾經幫助的那個孩子。因為 我不想捲進去，就沒有理。但這些傻瓜對那個可憐的孩子很粗暴無理，是的，我知道他們並不瞭解那個孩子多大，但在玩這樣一個遊戲時，你應該知道這些。幾小時 後，這個孩子發了一條密語給我：“我被工會踢了。”我試著幫他振作起來，但沒用。說實話我也不想再試了，我很累，就下線了。
昨天我上線 後，像往常一樣跟大家打了招呼就直奔郵箱，但當我到的時候，我看到那個孩子坐在郵箱旁，他的名字下面沒有工會注釋。人們在他身邊跑來跑去，享受著這個遊 戲…而他孤單的坐在一旁，每人注意到這樣一個“noob”..我知道人類模型的面部表情從來不會變化，但在當時，我確實從他的表情上看出來他很沮喪。我問 他怎麼樣，他回答說他想退出這個遊戲，應為他在學校裏經常被人欺負，而他的幾個同學也是在他前工會裏的成員，當他們知道這個孩子也在玩這個遊戲時，又開始 嘲笑欺負他並把他從開除了。這使我想起我小時候在學校因為沒有玩具，或者只有老版的玩具而被欺負的情景。
現在這個孩子在被其他的孩子們欺負的時用自己的力量升到了62級，而那些孩子還是20級左右，每天花費大量時間在閃金鎮組人去raid十字路口。
那 麼我做了什麼呢？我帶他去買東西……我給他買了60級的史詩坐騎，又從拍賣行買了很多很好的裝備，我儘量使這些裝備既在顏色上很搭配同時又有很好的屬性。 我還給他買了兩把藍色的斧子，並讓一個會友給每一把斧子付了+15敏捷的魔。我還給他買了很多小玩意兒，魔法龍小寵物，美味風蛇，欺詐珠寶等，你知道的， 就是那些很“coooooool”的東西。
然後我邀請他和我以及其他6個會友到閃金鎮散步，當我們很悠閒的在那些把他從工會裏踢出的傻瓜 旁邊走過時，我很RP地說那個孩子是個好戰士，再一次可怕的戰鬥中救了我的性命等等……那些欺負人的傢伙聽到後就開始在綜合頻道裏開始噴那個孩子。我對他 們說那個孩子是我見過最好的pvp玩家，他在一次關於他是否能擊敗我們伺服器最強的pvp選手的賭博裏贏得了他的史詩坐騎。（不管他是誰，很抱歉！呵呵）
過了一會，那些孩子開始改變他們的態度，事實上他們開始請求他重新加入工會…但我跟他說不要那樣做。我幫助他建立了他自己的工會，給他買了戰袍，幫助他拼寫等等，我還幫他找到了足夠的會員使工會能夠註冊並運行起來。
今天，我收到了那個孩子的信…但寫信人不是那個孩子，是他的父親。他在信中寫道：
親愛的Falcore，
我感謝你在這個遊戲中對我兒子作出的幫助，你給他買的這些東西使他很興奮，因為他這段日子在學校裏過得不好，所以我同意給他買這個遊戲作為一個放鬆的方式，儘管它也變成了另外一種受欺負的方式。
感謝你的幫助，小傢伙又開始微笑了。
再一次，非常感謝！
所有這些大概花了我1600g左右，這些錢是我存著準備買史詩飛行坐騎的……但是，我跟你說，使微笑重新回到一個孩子的臉上比這遊戲裏所有的紫裝都重要。
更新1：
- 我從沒料到這個帖子能變得這麼火，說實話我還以為會被噴呢……知道還有這麼多熱心的玩家使我感到很溫暖。
不管這是否是個遊戲，這種友好（大家的，並不是指我個人）是這個世界所缺的，看到這麼多微笑，幸福的人們在這個帖子裏出現真的喚回了我對人性的信賴。
更新2：
我還沒有從震驚中回過神來…
今天有人在遊戲中密我要我和他在鐵爐堡見面，我還以為是昨天申請要加入我工會的那個人…
嗯，你可以想像我是多麼的震驚當他打開交易視窗並輸入5999g並說：“這是你應得的。”
因為我不知道他是否願意把名字暴露在這裏，所以我暫時保密。但如果有人想知道這個好人是誰就請說出來。
語言無法表達我的感受，謝謝 謝謝 謝謝。
Falcore