Confident kids, healthy adults/ by Peter Lavelle

Kids with high levels of confidence and self-control are more likely to be healthy in adulthood, say UK researchers.

Published 26/06/2008

[Image source: iStockphoto]

Do you get annoyed when your child refuses a goodnight kiss, claiming they're too old? When they say it's their room, and you're trespassing? When they demand you adhere to the 2008 Negotiated Pocket Money Agreement, and pay their pocket money on time?

This is a child who knows how to work the system. No adult likes to be in the same household as one of these.

On the other hand, a kid like this, who oozes self-confidence and self-control, is more likely to be fit and well in middle age – the time when he or she begins to realise just what a good parent you actually were all those years ago.

Kids who have high levels of self-confidence and self-esteem and are in control of their lives grow up to be healthy adults, according to researchers from the Universities of Glasgow and Edinburgh.

They looked at a group of several thousand children from birth and followed them as they grew up, over a 30-year period.

These kids, 11,500 of them, were part of a larger study looking at the general health of people living in the UK born in 1970.

Once the kids reached the age of 10, they were given IQ tests and a questionnaire designed to find out the degree of self-control they felt they had in their lives: asking, for instance, questions like 'Do you feel that most of the time it is not worth trying hard because things never turn out right anyway?'; and 'When bad things happen to you, is it usually someone else's fault?' The children were given a score according to how much self-control they had.

The researchers compared these scores with data from 20 years later, when the participants, now aged 30, were asked about their lifestyles and their health: whether they smoked, how much they exercised, whether they were overweight, had high blood pressure, or a mental illness.

After adjusting for socioeconomic status, income, and levels of education (factors that also affect health) the researchers found that the more self-control the subjects showed as children, the better their health turned out to be as adults: they rated their overall health better, they were less likely to be overweight or obese, they were less likely to be psychologically stressed, and (in the case of women) were less likely to have high blood pressure.

What explained the connection between self-confidence as a child and good heath as an adult?
We know from past studies that the more self-control adults have over their lives, the better their health tends to be. People with more control over their lives have more self-esteem and hence a greater incentive to look after themselves – they're more likely to adopt a lifestyle that preserves their good health. They smoke less, exercise more, eat a better diet, get medical check-ups more frequently, and this all translates to less heart disease, diabetes and cancer, and less psychological illness.

If self-control and self-esteem are present in childhood, these character traits tend to be preserved into adulthood and help protect an adult from these conditions, say the researchers.

Encouraging self-control

So if you're a parent, how do you encourage self-control in a child, so that that child grows into a self-confident, healthy adult?

Well, it helps if the child is naturally bright, the researchers say. There's a link between intelligence and self-confidence; the more naturally intelligent a child is, the more likely it is he or she will have control of his or her life.

But self-control is also shaped by childhood experiences – including children's interactions with their parents, say the researchers.

In other words, it can be taught. Parents can help children learn independence, confidence and self-control and increase their chances of being fit and healthy in adulthood.

Here's some typical advice from childhood eductors:

• 
  Be confident and in control yourself. Your child looks to you as a role model. If your level of self-confidence is high, it will 'rub off' on your child.

• 
  Keep your expectations realistic. Don't expect too much. Help them aim for goals that are achievable – when they are successful, it will build their self-esteem.

• 
  Praise the effort, not just the outcome. Winning is good, but trying is the important thing. If the child doesn't succeed, don't make negative personal comments but show the child alternative ways to achieve the goal.

• 
  Respect a child's individuality. Encourage a child's independence, unique gifts and ability to think differently.

• 
  Give the child unconditional love. Succeed or fail, they need to know that they're loved and accepted, whatever they do.

Follow these steps and you may not get that goodnight kiss. Your child's bedroom may be as familiar to you as a canal on Mars; you might even get an email asking for interest on overdue pocket money (calculated at bank term deposit rates and compounding).

But you'll have a better relationship with them. In 20 years time they'll be fit and healthy, and you can remind them that they owe it all to you.

More info

Locus of control at age 10 years and health outcomes and behaviors at age 30 years: the 1970 British Cohort Study - Psychosomatic Medicine
Self-esteem in childhood - HealthInsite topic page
Kids' health - Health & Wellbeing topic page
Raising your child's self-esteem - AboutKidsHealth, Canada

6 tips to ‘recession-proof’ your relationship

As our economy goes from boom to bust, so do many relationships

By Ian Kerner, Ph.D.
Sex therapist and relationship counselor
TODAYShow.com contributor
updated 4:14 p.m. ET Oct. 9, 2008

As our economy goes from boom to bust so too do many relationships.

Even in the best of times financial stress can take its toll on a relationship. But now, as we panic about an uncertain future, stressors become terrors, cracks become fissures, and our connection to our partners becomes all the more fraught. As we struggle to save our dollars, we allow the currency of our communication to become devalued by stress, anxiety and fear. It’s not just the state of the union we need to be worrying about, but also the state of our unions.

So why not go home tonight and have some good old-fashioned sex?

Sex is cheaper than the movies, more stress-relieving than a day at a spa and healthier than antidepressants. And with the rise in fuel prices coming this winter, isn’t that all the more reason to cuddle under the covers and generate some heat of our own?

Seriously, I know that sex won’t change the world, or make your problems go away, but it will leave you feeling recharged, rejuvenated and stronger and more united as a team to face tomorrow. As the winds of change huff and puff and try to blow our house down, sex helps us to hold onto a foundation of love, intimacy and connection.

What else can you do to recession-proof your relationship? Consider these tips:

Don’t stop investing in your relationship
Now is not the time to cut back on quality time together. Hire that baby sitter, get out there and have some fun. You deserve it; you need it. Your relationship demands the kind of stimulus the Fed can’t provide and the injection of capital into date night will reap priceless returns.

Unplug the feed
At the end of the evening, turn off the television, power down the computer. The market’s closed and you don’t need to track futures, you need to connect in the present. During turbulent times technology can become a real-time source of anxiety and stress. So turn off to turn on and know that sex provides a potent chemical cocktail that takes our minds off the headlines and doesn’t leave us with a hangover.

Build a reserve of desire
Engage in random acts of intimacy: hold hands, kiss, give your partner a really long hug. Couples who touch more end up feeling more connected. All it takes is a 20-second hug to get oxytocin, the “cuddle hormone,” flowing in women, but men need to be hugged three times as much as women to get to similar levels. So go for a full minute of hugging. Build up a bank account of small touch-deposits during the day — you may be surprised at your desire to make a larger withdrawal at night.

Don’t let your ‘interest rate’ in your partner go from positive to negative
Therapist John Gottman has spent a lifetime working with married couples, researching what makes some marriages succeed and others fail. “It’s the balance between positive and negative emotional interactions in a marriage that determines its well-being — whether the good moments of mutual pleasure, passion, humor, support, kindness and generosity outweigh the bad moments of complaining, criticism, anger, disgust, contempt, defensiveness and coldness.” Those couples that succeed in their marriages enjoy an overriding proportion of positive over negative sentiment. But, how do you ensure that? “All couples, happy and unhappy, have conflict, but the ratio of positive to negative interactions during arguments is a critical factor,” and Gottman proposed that this ratio should, ideally, be 5 to 1. While it’s impossible to go through life tallying positive versus negative interactions, it is possible to determine intuitively whether your relationship is generally in the positive, or tending more toward the negative.

Watch out for a serious dip in your ‘passion portfolio’
Millions of Americans were already stuck in a sex rut before this financial crisis, and millions more are now prone because of it. Stress and anxiety are major inhibitors of libido. And when you’re stuck in a rut, or feeling sexually disconnected from your partner, it leaves you more vulnerable to cheating, porn abuse, or just a general sense of detachment.

The Fed may be lowering interest rates, but what we need now is to develop higher rates of appreciation for each other. During times of panic, it’s all too easy to get down on yourself. That’s why you have each other. When you’re in a relationship it’s not you against the world, it’s us against the world, and sometimes just knowing that your partner believes in you is all it takes to change the world. And isn’t that we need now more than ever?

Ian Kerner is a sex therapist, relationship counselor and New York Times best-selling author of numerous books, including "She Comes First" and the soon-to-be-published "Love in the Time of Colic: the New Parents' Guide to Getting it On Again." He was born and raised in New York City, where he lives with his wife and two sons. He can be reached at www.IanKerner.com

Why a cuddler is a keeper...and will keep you satisfied

While women are wired to snuggle, men are wired to get up and go

By Ian Kerner, Ph.D.
Sex therapist and relationship counselor
TODAYShow.com contributor
updated 3:48 p.m. ET Nov. 6, 2008

“Did the last four and a half hours mean nothing to you?” — Charlotte of “Sex and the City,” shouting at a guy she just hooked up with.

Unlike the executives at Enron, a woman’s orgasm never lies. It can tell a woman the truth about a sexual encounter, often whether she wants to know it or not. That’s because the female orgasm releases a burst of oxytocin, also known as the “cuddle hormone,” which facilitates a sense of attachment. But if there’s nothing to attach to, if there’s no deeper emotional content or meaningfulness, the orgasm becomes a regretful reminder of the hollowness of the sex that preceded it.

This is called “post-orgasm regret,” and it typically manifests itself in the form of sadness or anger. Ladies, if you’ve ever felt a pang of sorrow following a sexually gratifying (i.e., orgasmic) experience, it’s most likely post-orgasmic regret. (And what if you’re not having orgasms at all? Well then, you may be experiencing “post-faking regret” — regretting that you helped the jerk have his while you faked yours. But that’s a different article altogether.) Orgasm or not, be aware that sex results in your body inching toward some emotional connection, even as your brain may be saying “What the hell I am doing in bed with this guy?” So trust your orgasm.

Men also experience their own version of post-orgasmic regret, but in a different way — not as a sense of anger or sadness, but as a desire to get up and go. From an evolutionary perspective, men are wired to “spread their seed,” but they also know that not every woman they spread their seed with is necessarily one that they would like to hang out and mate with. Just because he spreads some seed doesn’t mean he’s interested in planting any roots.

So a woman can learn a lot about a guy in the minutes following his orgasm — is he a “cuddler,” a “snorer” or an “up-and-outer”?

The cuddler is a rare breed; generally guys do most of their cuddling in the early days of courtship and infatuation, when he’s made a decision that you’re the one. But sometimes a guy can also be a “faux-cuddler” when you’re first getting intimate with each other, so cuddle with caution.

But even if your cuddler is a keeper, he’s likely to turn into a “snorer.” Most of us guys end up becoming snorers, even if we don’t actually snore, but simply turn over and fall asleep. (It’s hard to fight biology.) Post-orgasm, prolactin levels spike, which contributes to a sense of sleepiness. Also, men have to work hard to produce the “explosive orgasm,” aka ejaculation, in order to potentially inseminate a woman (even if that’s not the intention). Hence, guys are often exhausted, dazed and depleted post-sex and require a refractory period (an interval of time) before they can get another erection. If your guy is a snorer, or just gives you the turn-over, cut him some slack, but also go ahead and give him a tap on the shoulder and remind him of the snuggler he used to be.

What can be said about the “up-and-outer,” the guy who, right after sex, suddenly has to organize his DVDs or go pick up his dry-cleaning?

As the proverb goes, fool me, once shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. If he’s up and out, think long and hard before letting him back in.

Ian Kerner is a sex therapist, relationship counselor and New York Times best-selling author of numerous books, including “She Comes First” and the soon-to-be-published “Love in the Time of Colic: The New Parents’ Guide to Getting It On Again.” He was born and raised in New York City, where he lives with his wife and two sons. He can be reached at www.IanKerner.com

© 2008 MSNBC Interactive

瑞典如何走出金融危機

卡爾/文 於思/譯 2008-10-6 10:47:48

這些日子對全球經濟來說是至關重要的時刻，此時能夠來到聯合國訪問，確實是難得的經歷。像筆者這些來自世界各國的政治領導人，理所當然應該處理全球政治問題。眼下，華盛頓和華爾街的緊張態勢也深深影響著聯合國的氛圍。

瑞典也曾經歷過類似的危機，作為瑞典上個世紀90年代初期的首相，筆者不難想像捲入救市計畫中的人所承受的巨大壓力。我們現在目睹的此等程度的金融瘟疫是十分危險的，不僅對如美國如此，對於全球經濟這一整體來說亦然。

筆者處理過更加糟糕的情況，儘管這是相對於一個小得多的經濟體來說。筆者的經驗是，如果想穩定市場狀況和恢復市場信心，務必儘快找出萬全之策。1990年到1993年之間，瑞典的國內生產總值（GDP）下降到6%；失業人數占總人口的比例從3%飆升至12%；公共赤字打破了GDP的12%；市道低迷導致破產上升以及資產價值下降；銀行的信貸損失額飆升。

1992年秋，這一情況已經完全失控。七分之五的大型銀行實際上已經破產，而這些銀行的市場佔有率為90%。人們不得不面對一個事實：所有早期的措施都難以起到作用。不良貸款的數額超過了銀行總資產淨值。顯然，決定性的措施勢在必行。

在反對派的壓力下，政府為股東以外的債權人的損失提供銀行擔保，這為採取進一步救市措施奠定基礎。立法會當時並沒有明確指出救市措施花費的具體數額，而政府在其他方面的立法同樣也給予比較寬鬆的要求。

此外，政府還設立了一個特殊的權力機構，用以管理銀行抵押和處理破產銀行。中央銀行還提供了流動性，但是並未直接參與銀行以及不良貸款的管理。呆賬則根據其實際價值進行分配，或者納入一家特殊的資產管理公司Securum以作儲備，這家公司的任務就是在地產市場穩定之後盡可能恢復公共資產。

這些待處理的資產相當於當時瑞典GDP的4%，其中大部分都可以容後恢復。另外，私人銀行的負債臨時攤分到公眾手�，這意味著納稅人的實際收入微乎其微。同時進行的還有應對信貸緊縮的直接措施，政府採取了強有力的措施以穩定整個經濟環境。

瑞典金融海嘯當中確實有許多值得借鑒的經驗教訓。

第一個教訓就是，挽救全面低迷的經濟環境耗資巨大。瑞典政府甚至做好了最壞的打算，預計管理公共消費和穩定物價需要二十年的時間。1991年秋天，我們發現瑞典的經濟結構形態很不健全，所以不得不在一切難以為繼之前實施拯救。

第二是維持銀行系統流動性的重要性。為了防止金融系統崩潰及其對實體經濟造成的不堪後果，這是相當必要的。

第三是處理銀行系統問題時，快捷性和透明度的必要性。救援行動往往會帶來道德風險。當然，最好的方法是避免它，調整資本額度的相關條款，讓股東和管理人為他們自己犯的過錯買單。

第四是，小國的經濟政策必須在維持適度的通貨膨脹目標的情況下，在刺激投資與刺激消費之間取得微妙的平衡。如果流通減弱而利率上升，不可能取得應有的增長，而且還要面對物價上漲的風險。

筆者不想直接拿瑞典將近二十年前的遭遇直接與現在的美國作對比。美國是全球最大的經濟體，其經濟基礎依然十分穩固。而瑞典在那些低迷的日子�，只不過是一個有著嚴重結構性問題的發展緩慢的經濟體。

但是，兩者之間有一個共同點：如果不能成功取得兩黨的團結一致，救援計畫將會落空，而這也是恢復市場信心所不可或缺的。

在這一點上，瑞典成功做到了。兩黨的團結一致貫穿著銀行系統重建的全過程。此後，再也沒有出現過令瑞典回到過去疲於管理市場以及被金融機構持久拖累的苦日子的跡象。相反地，由於重構工作有組織的且管理良好，瑞典得以保留上個世紀80年代反常時期的經濟優勢，當市場條件允許的情況下，銀行以及一些信貸和股票都可以重新回歸私有。

美國當局處理金融危機所採取的強硬措施將引起許多問題，這是完全可以理解的。筆者認為，如果政治系統能夠在需要行動的時候確確實實有所作為，結果一定是樂觀的。

（文章來自法國《國際先驅論壇報》，經過編輯修改。作者卡爾·比爾特（Carl Bildt）是瑞典現任外交大臣，曾于1991年至1994年擔任瑞典首相。）

The last night of the world by Ray Bradbury

"What would you do if you knew that this was the last night of the world?"
"What would I do? You mean seriously?"

"Yes, seriously."
"I don't know. I hadn't thought."

He poured some coffee. In the background the two girls were playing blocks on the parlour rug in the light of the green hurricane lamps.

There was an easy, clean aroma of the brewed coffee in the evening air.

"Well, better start thinking about it", he said.
"You don't mean it!"
He nodded.

"A war?"
He shook his head.

"Not the hydrogen or atom bomb?"
"No."

"Or germ warfare?"
"None of those at all",

he said, stirring his coffee slowly.

"But just, let's say, the closing of a book."

"I don't think I understand."
"No, nor do I, really; it's just a feeling. Sometimes it frightens me, sometimes I'm not frightened at all but at peace."

He glanced in at the girls and their yellow hair shining in the lamplight.

"I didn't say anything to you. It first happened about four nights ago."

"What?"

"A dream I had. I dreamed that it was all going to be over, and a voice said it was; not any kind of voice I can remember, but a voice anyway, and it said things would stop here on Earth. I didn't think too much about it the next day, but then I went to the office and caught Stan Willis looking out the window in the middle of the afternoon, and I said, A penny for your thoughts, Stan, and he said, I had a dream last night, and before he even told me the dream I knew what it was. I could have told him, but he told me and I listened to him."

"It was the same dream?"

"The same. I told Stan I had dreamed it too. He didn't seem surprised. He relaxed, in fact. Then we started walking through the office, for the hell of it. It wasn't planned. We didn't say, Let's walk around. We just walked on our own, and everywhere we saw people looking at their desks or their hands or out windows. I talked to a few. So did Stan."

"And they all had dreamed?"
"All of them. The same dream, with no difference."

"Do you believe in it?"
"Yes. I've never been more certain."

"And when will it stop? The world, I mean."
"Sometime during the night for us, and then as the night goes on around the world, that'll go too. It'll take twenty-four hours for it all to go."

They sat awhile not touching their coffee. Then they lifted it slowly and drank, looking at each other.

"Do we deserve this?" she said.
"It's not a matter of deserving; it's just that things didn't work out. I notice you didn't even argue about this. Why not?"

"I guess I've a reason", she said.
"The same one everyone at the office had?"
She nodded slowly.

"I didn't want to say anything. It happened last night. And the women on the block talked about it, among themselves, today. They dreamed. I thought it was only a coincidence."

She picked up the evening paper.
"There's nothing in the paper about it."

They moved through the house and turned out the lights and went into the bedroom and stood in the night cool darkness undressing and pushing back the covers.

"The sheets are so clean and nice."
"I'm tired."
"We're all tired."

They got into bed and lay back.

"Just a moment", she said.
He heard her get out of bed and go into the kitchen. A moment later, she returned.

"I left the water running in the kitchen sink", she said.

Something about this was so very funny that he had to laugh.
She laughed with him, knowing that it was what she had done that was funny.

They stopped laughing at last and lay in their cool night bed, their hands clasped, their heads together.

"Good night", he said, after a moment.

"Good night", she said.