2008年11月28日 星期五

瑞典如何走出金融危機


卡爾/文 於思/譯 2008-10-6 10:47:48


這些日子對全球經濟來說是至關重要的時刻,此時能夠來到聯合國訪問,確實是難得的經歷。像筆者這些來自世界各國的政治領導人,理所當然應該處理全球政治問題。眼下,華盛頓和華爾街的緊張態勢也深深影響著聯合國的氛圍。

瑞典也曾經歷過類似的危機,作為瑞典上個世紀90年代初期的首相,筆者不難想像捲入救市計畫中的人所承受的巨大壓力。我們現在目睹的此等程度的金融瘟疫是十分危險的,不僅對如美國如此,對於全球經濟這一整體來說亦然。

筆者處理過更加糟糕的情況,儘管這是相對於一個小得多的經濟體來說。筆者的經驗是,如果想穩定市場狀況和恢復市場信心,務必儘快找出萬全之策。1990年到1993年之間,瑞典的國內生產總值(GDP)下降到6%;失業人數占總人口的比例從3%飆升至12%;公共赤字打破了GDP的12%;市道低迷導致破產上升以及資產價值下降;銀行的信貸損失額飆升。

1992年秋,這一情況已經完全失控。七分之五的大型銀行實際上已經破產,而這些銀行的市場佔有率為90%。人們不得不面對一個事實:所有早期的措施都難以起到作用。不良貸款的數額超過了銀行總資產淨值。顯然,決定性的措施勢在必行。

在反對派的壓力下,政府為股東以外的債權人的損失提供銀行擔保,這為採取進一步救市措施奠定基礎。立法會當時並沒有明確指出救市措施花費的具體數額,而政府在其他方面的立法同樣也給予比較寬鬆的要求。

此外,政府還設立了一個特殊的權力機構,用以管理銀行抵押和處理破產銀行。中央銀行還提供了流動性,但是並未直接參與銀行以及不良貸款的管理。呆賬則根據其實際價值進行分配,或者納入一家特殊的資產管理公司Securum以作儲備,這家公司的任務就是在地產市場穩定之後盡可能恢復公共資產。

這些待處理的資產相當於當時瑞典GDP的4%,其中大部分都可以容後恢復。另外,私人銀行的負債臨時攤分到公眾手�,這意味著納稅人的實際收入微乎其微。同時進行的還有應對信貸緊縮的直接措施,政府採取了強有力的措施以穩定整個經濟環境。

瑞典金融海嘯當中確實有許多值得借鑒的經驗教訓。

第一個教訓就是,挽救全面低迷的經濟環境耗資巨大。瑞典政府甚至做好了最壞的打算,預計管理公共消費和穩定物價需要二十年的時間。1991年秋天,我們發現瑞典的經濟結構形態很不健全,所以不得不在一切難以為繼之前實施拯救。

第二是維持銀行系統流動性的重要性。為了防止金融系統崩潰及其對實體經濟造成的不堪後果,這是相當必要的。

第三是處理銀行系統問題時,快捷性和透明度的必要性。救援行動往往會帶來道德風險。當然,最好的方法是避免它,調整資本額度的相關條款,讓股東和管理人為他們自己犯的過錯買單。

第四是,小國的經濟政策必須在維持適度的通貨膨脹目標的情況下,在刺激投資與刺激消費之間取得微妙的平衡。如果流通減弱而利率上升,不可能取得應有的增長,而且還要面對物價上漲的風險。

筆者不想直接拿瑞典將近二十年前的遭遇直接與現在的美國作對比。美國是全球最大的經濟體,其經濟基礎依然十分穩固。而瑞典在那些低迷的日子�,只不過是一個有著嚴重結構性問題的發展緩慢的經濟體。

但是,兩者之間有一個共同點:如果不能成功取得兩黨的團結一致,救援計畫將會落空,而這也是恢復市場信心所不可或缺的。


在這一點上,瑞典成功做到了。兩黨的團結一致貫穿著銀行系統重建的全過程。此後,再也沒有出現過令瑞典回到過去疲於管理市場以及被金融機構持久拖累的苦日子的跡象。相反地,由於重構工作有組織的且管理良好,瑞典得以保留上個世紀80年代反常時期的經濟優勢,當市場條件允許的情況下,銀行以及一些信貸和股票都可以重新回歸私有。


美國當局處理金融危機所採取的強硬措施將引起許多問題,這是完全可以理解的。筆者認為,如果政治系統能夠在需要行動的時候確確實實有所作為,結果一定是樂觀的。


(文章來自法國《國際先驅論壇報》,經過編輯修改。作者卡爾·比爾特(Carl Bildt)是瑞典現任外交大臣,曾于1991年至1994年擔任瑞典首相。)

2008年11月23日 星期日

The last night of the world by Ray Bradbury



"What would you do if you knew that this was the last night of the world?"
"What would I do? You mean seriously?"

"Yes, seriously."
"I don't know. I hadn't thought."

He poured some coffee. In the background the two girls were playing blocks on the parlour rug in the light of the green hurricane lamps.
There was an easy, clean aroma of the brewed coffee in the evening air.

"Well, better start thinking about it", he said.
"You don't mean it!"
He nodded.

"A war?"
He shook his head.

"Not the hydrogen or atom bomb?"
"No."

"Or germ warfare?"
"None of those at all",
he said, stirring his coffee slowly.
"But just, let's say, the closing of a book."

"I don't think I understand."
"No, nor do I, really; it's just a feeling. Sometimes it frightens me, sometimes I'm not frightened at all but at peace."

He glanced in at the girls and their yellow hair shining in the lamplight.
"I didn't say anything to you. It first happened about four nights ago."
"What?"

"A dream I had. I dreamed that it was all going to be over, and a voice said it was; not any kind of voice I can remember, but a voice anyway, and it said things would stop here on Earth. I didn't think too much about it the next day, but then I went to the office and caught Stan Willis looking out the window in the middle of the afternoon, and I said, A penny for your thoughts, Stan, and he said, I had a dream last night, and before he even told me the dream I knew what it was. I could have told him, but he told me and I listened to him."

"It was the same dream?"

"The same. I told Stan I had dreamed it too. He didn't seem surprised. He relaxed, in fact. Then we started walking through the office, for the hell of it. It wasn't planned. We didn't say, Let's walk around. We just walked on our own, and everywhere we saw people looking at their desks or their hands or out windows. I talked to a few. So did Stan."

"And they all had dreamed?"
"All of them. The same dream, with no difference."

"Do you believe in it?"
"Yes. I've never been more certain."

"And when will it stop? The world, I mean."
"Sometime during the night for us, and then as the night goes on around the world, that'll go too. It'll take twenty-four hours for it all to go."

They sat awhile not touching their coffee. Then they lifted it slowly and drank, looking at each other.

"Do we deserve this?" she said.
"It's not a matter of deserving; it's just that things didn't work out. I notice you didn't even argue about this. Why not?"

"I guess I've a reason", she said.
"The same one everyone at the office had?"
She nodded slowly.

"I didn't want to say anything. It happened last night. And the women on the block talked about it, among themselves, today. They dreamed. I thought it was only a coincidence."

She picked up the evening paper.
"There's nothing in the paper about it."

They moved through the house and turned out the lights and went into the bedroom and stood in the night cool darkness undressing and pushing back the covers.
"The sheets are so clean and nice."
"I'm tired."
"We're all tired."

They got into bed and lay back.

"Just a moment", she said.
He heard her get out of bed and go into the kitchen. A moment later, she returned.
"I left the water running in the kitchen sink", she said.

Something about this was so very funny that he had to laugh.
She laughed with him, knowing that it was what she had done that was funny.
They stopped laughing at last and lay in their cool night bed, their hands clasped, their heads together.

"Good night", he said, after a moment.

"Good night", she said.

2008年11月21日 星期五

Proof's in the brain scan: Romance doesn't have to fade


Proof's in the brain scan: Romance doesn't have to fade

By Sharon Jayson, USA TODAY

The honeymoon doesn't have to be over just because you've been together for years, new research suggests.

Popular wisdom would have it that romance fades over time. But new brain scans of people who say they are still in love after being married for decades are similar to scans of those who have just fallen in love, leading researchers to conclude that long-term relationships can be just as passionate and romantic as new love.

"We're confident it's real," says psychologist Arthur Aron of the State University of New York-Stony Brook, one of the researchers involved in the study. "That's what the brain scans are telling us. People can't fake that."
The study, presented Sunday at a meeting of the Society for Neuroscience in Washington, D.C., represents a dramatic shift in thinking.

"A lot of other research always suggested romantic love is over by 12 to 15 months. This suggests that may not have to be the case," says Richmond Thompson, an associate professor of psychology and neuroscience at Bowdoin College, who was not involved in the study.

The findings are based on functional Magnetic Resonance Imaging (fMRI) which scanned the brains of 10 women and seven men who said they were still intensely in love with their spouses after an average 21 years of marriage. When they viewed photos of their partners, their brains reacted.

"If you ask people around the world whether romantic love can last, they'll roll their eyes and say 'probably not,' and most textbooks say that too. We're proving them wrong," says anthropologist Helen Fisher of Rutgers University, a co-author.

Lead author Bianca Acevedo, who has worked with Aron and now works with neuroscientist and study co-author Lucy Brown of Albert Einstein College of Medicine in the Bronx, N.Y., says the findings are similar to earlier research they did on 10 women and seven men who had fallen in love within the previous year. The number of study participants is typical for fMRI studies, researchers say.

Findings show long-term relationships don't have the obsession and anxiety of new love; instead, they show increased calm and attachment, Fisher says. Couples view partners as central to their lives; they continue to want connection and engagement and maintain a sexual liveliness.

Elaine Hatfield, a University of Hawaii psychology professor who did not participate in the study, says the studies are a "wonderful addition" to the love research, "a promising beginning … not the last word in our understanding of passionate love."

READERS: What's the longest that need-to-be-near-you love has lasted for you? What's the secret?

2008年11月18日 星期二

我坐在琵卓河畔,哭泣。──Paulo Coelho


「聰明的人之所以聰明,是因為他們真正去愛。而愚蠢的人之所以愚蠢,是因為他們以為,他們了解愛是什麼。」

有一個人遇見了一個一直都很不得志的老朋友。「我應該給他一些錢。」他想。然而,後來他才知道原來這個老朋友現在已經很發達了,正想找他,好將欠了這麼多年的債還給他。

兩個人於是走到以前一起廝混的酒吧,有錢的那個朋友付帳請酒吧裡所有的客人喝酒。當酒客們問他是怎麼發財的,他說,直到數天前,他一直都在扮演「另一個自己」的角色。

「什麼是另一個自己?」他們問。

「另一個自己告訴我,我應該怎麼去生活,卻不告訴我我是誰。另一個自己相信,窮一生之力儘可能地去賺錢,才能讓自己年老時不致因饑餓而死。所以,我們總是用盡心機,只為賺取錢財;就這樣,一直到死亡之日,才發覺自己這一生並未好好活過。然而,那時一切為時晚矣。」

「而你呢?你是誰?」

「我就像是每一個傾聽自己心底聲音的人:這個人深為生命的奧秘而著迷;這個人樂於迎接奇蹟的降臨,對自己所做的事總是滿心歡喜,充滿熱情。而另一個自己卻總是憂懼著可能遭遇的失望,讓我踟躕不前,什麼事也不敢做。」

「然而,生命中的確有許多折磨。」一個聽眾說。

「生命中也有許多挫敗。沒有人能逃避這些,不過,為了夢想而奮戰,就算吃了敗仗,也遠比不知為何而戰,終至失敗要好得多。」

「就這樣嗎?」聽的人問。

「是的,就是這樣。當我體認到這一點,便從此得到解脫,決心成為那個我一直想去做的人。而另一個自己則站在房間裡的角落盯著我看,不過,我永遠也不會再讓另一個自己走進我的心,儘管它總是恫嚇我,警告我不去思考未來是危險的。」

「從那一刻起,我將另一個自己完全逐離我的生命,神聖之力於是開始創造奇蹟。」

2008年11月14日 星期五

罕爸康樂隊-海洋



什麼樣的情境會令你感動?
什麼樣的事會令你熱淚盈眶?

他們讓我面帶笑容,眼裡含著淚水,用力為他們拍手,
跟你一起分享~生命中最深刻的感動

2008罕病感恩音樂會高雄場-
罕爸康樂隊獻唱 海洋

巫家老爸說:
這群長年照顧罕病兒女
身心疲憊的老爸沒落跑
在台上釋放出永不放棄的熱情
這股熱情要告訴世人活著真好
請珍惜現在所用有的一切
勇敢面對 剩下的就交給 上帝 祂會帶領一切

How crying can make you healthier / Roger Dobson reports

We all know a good cry helps to soothe our minds. Now doctors are discovering that tears may help to heal our bodies, too.

Tuesday, 11 November 2008
http://www.independent.co.uk

It makes nine out of 10 people feel better, reduces stress, and may help to keep the body healthy. It's also free, available to almost everyone, and has no known side effects, other than wet tissues, red eyes and runny makeup. Crying may not be a blockbuster drug, but the latest research suggests it's highly effective at healing, and that it improves the mood of 88.8 per cent of weepers, with only 8.4 per cent feeling worse. So beneficial is it that the researchers suggest there may be a case for inducing crying in those who find it difficult to let go.

But while almost all of us shed emotional tears at some time – at least 47 times a year for women, and seven for men – exactly why we cry, and much about what happens when we do, remains a mystery. For crying, a uniquely human form of emotional expression, to have survived evolution, it should have a practical purpose and give some kind of survival advantage. Laughter and anger are both well known to have advantages. Laughter, for example, has been shown to promote healing, increase blood flow, reduce levels of stress hormones, boost the immune system and produce more disease-fighting compounds.

But what of crying? Emotional tears come from the same tear glands that produce the fluid that forms a protective film over the eyeballs to keep them free of irritants, and which also releases extra fluid when the eye becomes irritated, or is invaded by a foreign body.

A clue to the purpose of crying may lie in the experimental finding that emotional tears contain different compounds from regular eye watering, such as that triggered by chopping onions.

The phenomenon supports the so-called recovery theory, that emotional tears, and their contents, may be a way of getting the body back in balance after a stressful event. "I have suggested that we may feel better after crying because we are literally crying it out. Chemicals that build up during emotional stress may be removed in our tears when we cry,'' says William Frey, professor of pharmaceutics at the University of Minnesota. "Because unalleviated stress can increase our risk for heart attack and damage certain areas of our brain, the human ability to cry has survival value.''

Other evidence backs up the theory. It's been shown that tears associated with emotion have higher levels of some proteins, and of manganese and potassium, and hormones, including prolactin than mere eye watering. Manganese is an essential nutrient, and too little can lead to slowed blood clotting, skin problems, and lowered cholesterol levels. Too much can also cause health problems. Potassium is involved in nerve working, muscle control and blood pressure.

Prolactin is a hormone involved in stress and plays a role in the immune system and other body functions. Its involvement in tears may help to explain why women cry more than men. Women have more prolactin than men, and levels rise during pregnancy, when the frequency of crying among women also increases.

There have also been some claims that crying can reduce pain, although there has been little research into this area. The phenomenon, if verified, may be an indirect effect – in that crying may trigger physical contact with another individual and touch has been linked to improved wellbeing.

A counter theory is that crying doesn't so much help the body recover from whatever triggered the tears, but that it increases arousal to encourage behaviours to see off the threat. In support of this theory, some research shows that skin sensitivity increases during and after crying, and that breathing deepens. Some argue that crying could perform both these functions: "It is possible that crying is both an arousing distress signal and a means to restore psychological and physiological balance," say researchers at the University of South Florida. Others suggest that emotional tears signal distress and encourage group behaviour, as well as improve social support and inhibit aggression.

A study at Tilburg University in The Netherlands shows that both men and women would give more emotional support to someone who was crying, although they judged less positively someone who wept. Another study showed men were liked best when they cried and women when they did not. "Overall, results support the theory that crying is an attachment behaviour designed to elicit help from others,'' say the Dutch researchers.

In the latest study, at the University of South Florida, researchers found that almost everyone feels better after a cry and that personality has a big effect on how often we cry. Neurotics were more frequent criers and were more easily and quickly moved to tears. The American researchers suggest that the beneficial effects of crying may make induced weeping a useful therapy for some people. In, particular, they propose that it may be suitable for people who have difficulty expressing their emotions.

"The overwhelming majority of our participants reported mood improvement after crying,'' they say. "Our results may have also implications for clinical interventions. Currently there is only anecdotal evidence that learning how to cry and how to derive positive effects from it could help people who are having difficulty expressing sadness or crying.

"Our findings support the idea that people with alexithymic [a deficiency in feeling emotions] or anhedonic [the inability to derive pleasure from pleasurable experiences] tenden-cies may profit from therapeutic interventions that encourage crying.''

Like other researchers, the Florida psychologists suggest more work is needed to understand the origins, nature, and function of crying. New research is under way, including teams of brain mappers using scans to locate the areas of the brain involved in crying. Some of it supports the recovery theory, while other work backs up the arousal idea. More support has also been shown for the social role of crying.

Some studies are giving intriguing new insights into shedding tears. When researchers at Bunka Women's University and Nagano College in Japan, set out to investigate what they call the passive facial feedback hypothesis, they produced a surprise finding. In an experiment, they simulated the experience of tears by dropping 0.2 ml of water on to the tear duct of both eyes. They report that 53.8 per cent of the 100 or so men and women felt sad when the water ran down their cheek, compared with 28.6 per cent who were cheerful.

The increasing research into crying and its beneficial health effects may also make shedding tears less of a taboo behaviour. As Professor Frey, author of Crying: the Mystery of tears, points out, it is no accident that crying has survived evolutionary pressures. Humans are the only animals to evolve this ability to shed tears in response to emotional stress, and it is likely that crying survived the pressures of natural selection because it has some survival value,'' he says. "It is one of the things that makes us human.''

Not a dry eye: Weeping by numbers
20% of bouts of crying last longer than 30 minutes
8% go on for longer than one hour
70% of criers make no attempt to hide their crying
77% of crying takes place at home
15% at work or in the car
40% of people weep alone
39% of crying occurs in the evening, the most popular time compared with morning, afternoon, and night (16, 29 and 17 per cent respectively)
6-8pm is the most common time for crying
88.8% feel better after a cry
47: average number of times a woman cries each year
7: annual number of crying episodes for a man

Sob story: The science of tears

Three types of tear are produced by the lachrymal gland above the eye.

Continuous or basal tears, produced to keep the eye surface permanently moist and protected contain water, lipids or fats and proteins. They also contain compounds that protect against infections. Each blink of the eyelid spreads tears.

Reflex tears have a similar make-up and are a reaction to irritants or foreign objects.
Emotional tears have a different make-up including enkephalin, an endorphin and natural painkiller.

"Emotional tears contain higher concentrations of proteins, manganese, and the hormone prolactin which is produced during stress-induced danger or arousal,'' says Dr Carrie Lane of the University of Texas .

A question of sex: Why big boys boo hoo

* While women cry more than men, tearful males are becoming increasingly acceptable in society.
* A moist eye, perhaps a tear or two, at the right time, and in the right place, are now viewed more kindly, say researchers.

* Until relatively recently, crying was associated with sensitive, weak men, while now it is linked to strong, powerful men. One theory is that a driving force behind the change has been powerful and emotional events such as 9/11.

* Norms for men and crying are changing. Certain types of expressions that were proscribed for men are now becoming more acceptable. "It may be that certain types of tears are no longer associated with powerlessness, and thus no longer conflict with assertions of masculinity,'' says Professor Stephanie Shields of Pennsylvania State University.

* In the research, Professor Shields and colleagues quizzed men and women about reactions to crying by men and women. The results showed that crying at serious events by both men and women was rated positively.

* The results also show that men were rated more highly when they cried out of sadness than anger. The reverse was the case for women. Men who cried in sadness were more positively rated than women who cried because they were sad. The results also show that men who have a wet eye and a tear or two are rated more highly than men who weep.

2008年11月3日 星期一

I Love You But I’m Not In Love With You/By Cathy Meyer


About.com

If you hear these words, a big warning bell should go off. This is one of the most consistent things a cheating spouse will say. It is often said by a spouse going through midlife crisis also. Your spouse may have a deep, loving bond with you but, intense feelings of passion can override the bond with you and cause your spouse to loose sight of his/her true feelings. The cheating spouse will develop what I call hormone - induced amnesia. The surging hormones and passion they feel in their new relationship can cause some much-skewed thinking.

This is what I feel happens in many relationships that fall victim to infidelity. The spouse who strays has spent years investing time, emotion and energy in the marriage. They may feel that no matter what they do, they cannot or, are not getting what they feel they need from the relationship. They lack the skills to do something different, something that might work in their favor and finally get them what they need from the relationship. They get stuck in a negative place.

People who are stuck can see no way out, they view their problems as permanent and many times think the only way to get unstuck is to turn to someone else. A new relationship is a great way to distract themselves from the problems in a marriage. You are suddenly unstuck and enjoying the lust and passion that comes with a newfound relationship. All of a sudden, they are getting every thing they need from another man or woman. After years of not getting their needs met in the marriage this can be a huge relief.

If you are reading this article and are someone who has found relief in a relationship with someone other than your spouse, I have something I want you to do. Before you destroy your marriage by leaving for another person, I want you to think about what you are really feeling. Don’t use the new relationship as a distraction to keep you from being honest with yourself and your spouse. If you are a cheating spouse make sure that one of the problems below is not causing you to throw your marriage away just to keep from having to deal with them open and honestly. Do you feel your spouse is…

· Controlling
· Dismissive of your feelings.
· Is financially irresponsible
· Not spending enough time with the family.
· Rejecting you sexually.
· Working too much.
· Not working with you as a couple to make the marriage better.

Whatever you feel the problems are in the marriage you owe it to yourself and your spouse to get honest with him/her. It may not be easy, it may be painful for your spouse but it is the only way to solve problems because the “I love you but I’m not in love with you,” statement is a sign that something is wrong in the marriage. You may find that, after you open up to your spouse that you are playing a role in your own unhappiness.

If you are reading this article and your spouse has said, I love you but I’m not in love with you, then view it as an opportunity to open up to your spouse about how you feel in the relationship. When hearing such a statement it is easy to become panicked, to go on the defensive and react in a negative way. You need to not only say what is on your mind but to also listen to what your spouse has to say.

It is important for both spouses to try to see it from the perspective of the other spouse. You may think you’ve been an outstanding wife or husband. Your spouse may have another opinion. If you are willing to listen openly, you may find that you have fallen short. That there are things your spouse needs from you that you have not given.

The only way to know if the “I love you but I’m not in love with you statement,” is coming from someone who is stuck or someone who truly is no longer in love is to be willing to explore the problems in the marriage and take responsibility for your part in the problems. If, after doing this, the marriage still fails you can both move on knowing you tried to work through the problems. You will have both grown and learned from the situation and hopefully won’t take the same issues into a new relationship.

Your Child and Divorce--Five Things Your Child Needs From You /By Denise Witmer

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About.com


Take care of yourself.

A divorcing parent is often a very busy parent. Add to that dealing with the pain everyone is feeling, the legal process of a divorce, and the changes in what were your normal everyday routines and you have stress. Because of this, you need to pay very close attention to your health – both mental and physical.

Get a check up. Ask your doctor for some ways to stay healthy. Simple things like taking a vitamin everyday will help. Talk to a professional about what is going on in your life. Get some coping strategies for your everyday stress along with some for the stress the divorce is causing. The more you take care of you, the better you’ll be able to take care of your children.



Be available.

Whether it’s to listen, comfort, or take a little of their wrath, be there for your child. Your child needs your attention and your time. This will not come automatically, you will need to find the time for them and make it a regular occurrence. Sit down and have a family meal – every night. Ask them how their day was and listen to the answer. Remember your goodnights and good-mornings. Schedule some one-on-one time with each of your children at least once a month.



Stay consistent in discipline, routines, and relationships.

Try and be a unified front with your ex-spouse. Try to agree on what is allowed, and what isn’t. If this cannot be done, set your rules and limits and keep them consistent in your household.

Daily and weekly routines are a godsend if you have them or are able to create them. They save time and reduce stress. Children of divorced couples are often very stressed when their parents are constantly changing where the child will be and when. Set up your child’s routine and keep it consistent.

There are two things to keep in mind when dealing with consistency in relationships and your child. One, your child has relationships with your ex-spouse’s family. You’ll need to respect that no matter if your relationship with that person is still viable or not. Two, your child is still your child, not your confidant, messenger, or sounding board. The less you ‘use’ your child at this time, the better they will be able to adjust to the divorce and live normally.



Keep your promises – both expressed and implied.

It’s easy to promise your child the world when you know they are hurting and you are part of the cause of that hurt. Don’t compound the problem by promising them everything under the sun and then not being able to deliver. And if you do make a promise, keep it.

We all live with implied promises and we count on them. In the family, it is implied that our parents will love us forever. This needs to remain a constant in their lives. Do not make your children any less important to you because you are not seeing them as often or you cannot get along with your ex-spouse.

The art of letter writing has gone out of style, but could be your saving grace if you learn to pick it up and keep it consistent. Letters are very personal things that will be treasured by your child. Pick up a pen and paper. Write about your day, a good joke you heard, the weather – it doesn’t matter. Just end it in ‘I love you.’



Be the one to model resilience.

How you accept the change in your family dynamic will model, or ‘show’, your child how to accept the change. It’s back to ‘children learn what they live’. If you are able to get some help, accept the change in your life, and move on to creating something better for yourself, your child will learn how to be resilient with major changes in their life. If you remain bitter towards your ex-spouse, continue having conflicts, and/or ‘use’ your child in anyway, that is what you will be teaching them.

Here is a list of what resilient parents would never do, and if you’re doing them, resolve to put a stop to it immediately.

· They don't talk negatively about their spouse in front of them.
· They don't use the child as a spy.
· They don't use the child as a weapon.
· They don't argue or fight with your spouse while the child is listening.